  | |||||||||
 tuesday, february 06Birds & bees & change When my mother first sat down to tell me about the birds and the bees, I remember just blubbering up and having a good bawl. Course, she chose to begin with the personal plumbing aspects rather than the hearts and flowers, which isn't surprising given her sage advice also included "Heather, never let a man put his penis between your legs." We sat together at the dining room table, flipping through a woman's magazine talking about all the miraculous changes that were going to take place. If the carefree young women adorned in all manner of hip, chiffon outfits, strutting through various ads for feminine protection, could deal with this change, well then, couldn't I? I wish. This change was roaring towards me in the form of some awkward contraption of belts, straps and pads. There was no way those carefree girls were encumbered by such structural complexity. Someone was fibbing. I bundled up the nasty device in a brown paper bag and squirreled away into a dark corner of my closet until such time that it was needed. I don't like the idea of change. I never have. Given all that's gone on in the past decade, I've learned to deal, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. Change should be something you get from a twenty and not something that someone describes "miraculous." Be suspicious.
"..And I want answers. And if you won't give them to me, I'll spread the rest of you around, like a download from Napster." - Pretender 2001 Bears, bears, bears! What's with bears and advertising these days? John West Bear Fight, Smirnoff Ice Smooth Move Bear, the one where a guy snaps a polaroid of a sleeping bear, and the horrid one of men fighting bears over an SUV. It's kind of like having two movies about asteroids smashing into the earth. Inexplicable. Wordstretch. If it weren't so expensive, I'd rustle up some jezebel bands. [via Swallowing Tacks] Would you like a breast with that thigh? Yesterday? Spam-o-rama-lama-ding-dong! |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
© 2000 - 2001
|
|
