harrumph! still crazy

saturday, june 23

Activities for a Saturday afternoon, Part 1

Beauty by degree. Why waste thousands of dollars on a nose job? We here at harrumph! believe in doing our bit for global beautification and have extensively researched this process. Without any further ado, the "do-it-yourself nose job."

"The modern canon of beauty calls for a nose that stands out from the face at an angle of 30°. Slight deviations from this ideal are regarded as normal." - Beauty, Glamour and Personality, 1947.

What you'll need for today's project:

2 chopsticks
clear protractor
sticky tape
x-acto knife or scalpel or
silly putty
a friend to take the measurement

You can either tape one chopstick to the end of your nose or jam it up your nostril, as demonstrated by our models.

Using the protractor, have your friend take a measurement of the degree of your nozzle. Refer to the above chart as necessary for assistance. Once you've determined the angle you can remove excess flesh as needed, or apply silly putty to achieve the desired 30°'s of normalcy as decreed by the modern canon of beauty.

Voila! Admire your brand new nose.

Disclaimer: This information is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use this information to self diagnose an incredibly large schnoz even though it should be as plain as the nose on your face. We will not be held responsible if you undertake to perform the "do-it-yourself nose job." Maybe just the scalpel bit. We feel that sticking silly putty onto your nose is just fine. Everyone should do it. There's nothing as fine as nose adorned with a wedge of silly putty. We hear that this is going to be the next big thing. Remember that you read it here first.

Who are buddyhead and why are they so convinced that I want to be on their list? Unsubscribing is becoming a recurring recreational activity.

"Da da da!" As seen on TV: Songs From Commercials. Something to add to the wishlist.

Henri Fantin-Latour, Self-Portrait, 1861.

Yesterday? Priceless.

Abandoned mop

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