 wednesday, july 25
All things toilet paper
My goodness. Who knew that people were so passionate about toilet paper? Toilet paper. That stuff that is typically relegated to a dark corner. Some try to dress it up, but it's still toilet paper. Others create art with the left over cardboard rolls. Here's a little history on something we normally give the bum's rush.
From the mailbag
Dear Ms. Harrumph (if that is your real name):
I regret that I must introduce myself this way, but it has come to my attention that your website (harrumph.com) has been publishing misleading information which is injurious to my organization. I represent the Northwest Installers of Toilet Paper Industry Commision and have been asked by my colleagues to correct this misinformation.
In the enclosed graphic you will note the correct an incorrect ways to load a toilet paper cassette. You can see in the left diagram (labelled #1) the style known as "tile-rubber", and in the right diagram (labelled #2), "harmonious balance." In the left diagram, you can see the pained hand of a toileteer clutching uncomfortably at a span of toilet paper which has been mounted too close to the wall. By contrast, note the ease with which, in diagram #2, a happy toileteer grips the toilet squares between thumb and forefinger, rolling the soft, moist squares easily downward.
My organization has conducted many tests and has found the method depicted on the right to be superior in every respect to the one on the left. More than just inconvenient, the "tile-rubber" design has proven dangerous and has resulted in the long-term hospitalization of several dear friends of mine. And while the lives of Jerzy, Busca, Diddles and Pumpkin are not the subject of this letter, I hope you will appreciate the risks posed by a toilet tongue mounted toward the wall.
Besides the physical risks, consider the sanitation implications of a design which can cause sterile toilet paper to brush against and even stick to a possibly-soiled wall in a public bathroom.
Finally, I ask you to re-consider the aesthetic aspects of this issue which you so hastily passed judgment on. The design labelled "#1", which you have called "tongue outward," revealing your ideological biases, is in fact more balanced, the sheer vertical plane of the toilet paper echoing, in softer tones, the solid vertical plane of the facility wall on the obverse side of the apparatus. The "tongue inward" design has both vertical planes to the East of the apparatus, leaving the front face rounded and imbalanced.
In closing, we only ask that when you do become Queen, you consider our research and choose the safest, sanitariest, most beautiful and of course, most kick-ass method of loading toilet paper.
Respectfully Yours,
Mr. Ezra elias kilty c.
Seattle, WA, June 25.
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Simon had a few thoughts on the subject back in '97 and further comments "And I'm afraid in my informal survey (okay, downright biased and most people agreed with the first thing I said just to make me go away) the great weight of popular opinion tips the scales against your little 2-ply crusade."
The current results of Scott's toilet paper poll.
More poop: The Tissue Issue [via j pivarnick]
If you feel like you've got something to say on this issue join the ensuing discussion chez Powazek.
Have you been pining for a digital camera? Go see Ze. He's hosting The Big-Mighty-Great Digital Camera Give-Away. Nikon is also running two contests with cameras as prizes. Here's the deal. You win, you send me a mirror self-portrait.
Jezebel's Mirror is currently NikonNet Links Featured Website.
Danilo Pedruzzi, Self Portrait.
Yesterday? When I am queen.
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Heather Champ
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