harrumph! still crazy!

Friday, February 8

Embrace the stupid II

So, it being Friday and all, I thought that we would embrace the stupid again. I found our last adventure to be oh so cathartic.

The stupid? Well, everyone has a little stupid inside. Something stupid you've thought, something stupid you've said, or something stupid you've done. Stupid lives inside of us, burrowing into our very soul, putting up two-by-fours and decorating with tips from Martha Stewart.

I'm not talking serious stuff, I'm talking stupid stuff.

Today is your day, baby! Get that stupid off your chest. Are we clear? That's stupid... not hateful, political, vengeful, etc. We're talking downright silly and stupid. No names, no recriminations.

It's my gift to you for the weekend. Why don't I go first?

A certain someone went away last week taking the toothpaste with them. Course, I didn't notice this until I attempted to brush my teeth with anti-fungal ointment. Much spitting and "bleching" ensued as I tossed the befouled bristled instrument into the trash. Stu-pid!

I want it expunged from my record! Out, out, damn stupid!

The stupid stuff you shared

taking a tumble on the easy part of the hill while skiing and twisting my knee badly. but rather than stay down and admit defeat, i tried to hobble back to my skis and put them on again, and as i pushed down on the hurt leg, there was a resounding *pop* and i was down for good. still a-hobbling around these days. serves me right for trying to be noble! lord knows what i'd have done if i had gotten my skis on..

Grabbed the Vagisil (which contains Benzocaine) instead of the K-Y. Boyfriend went numb, then soft. Whoopsy.

I was 18, naive, and wanted to impress some cute guy on a date. He really liked classical music. Trying to engage him in conversation, I asked, "Do you prefer Amadeus, or Mozart?" They're the same person. Infatuation makes me excruciatingly stupid.

I locked myself out of the house one night. Had to resort to breaking a window to get in. After three months with cardboard and tape over the missing window, a friend called a handyman, who fixed the window up well, though it cost me $50. Two weeks later, I got locked out again. Idiot!

I'd been too tired to wax my mustache hairs the night before a big job interview, and that morning I was running late -- no time to pluck. So I grabbed my boyfriend's razor and within seconds had given myself a very nice shaving cut right on the end of my nose. Two bright red, bleeding, perfectly parallel lines, impossible to disguise. I ended up having great rapport with the interviewer, though, and since she asked, I admitted what had happened. I got the job.

a few weeks ago i found a long-lost walkman and turned it on to see if it still worked. it didn't, so i opened up the battery case to check on the batteries. they were wet when i pulled them out and it occurred to me to wonder how that had happened. they'd been sitting in a drawer for a year or more, after all, not out in the rain. without really thinking about it, i touched my finger to my tongue to taste the mysterious liquid ... battery acid! yow. won't try THAT again.

When you grab without looking, the aerosol can of water repellent (used to protect suede) feels exactly like the can of hairspray.

I used to drive a Mini... you know, the car made famous in The Italian Job. Every knows that the Mini is a petrol engined car; you never put anything in the tank of a Mini other petrol, absolutely not... never.
One day, I put Diesel in my beloved 850cc Mini.

I thought it would be funny to mount a mini basketball hoop on my forehead with a suction cup. What I ended up doing is giving myself the worlds largest hickey.

I locked myself out of the house. Again.

I forged a medical release form in high school so that I could start swimming early and get a head start on the season. Got caught and ended up being suspended from competition for nearly the whole season. If I waited a week to get the proper signature after my scheduled physical I would've been all set. Stupid!

I was in a meeting today at work. All my colleagues were there. I meant to ask the tutor 'what is an alpha ratio' but instead I found the following words flowing from my mouth 'oy fatty pass the vinegar!'. He wasn't impressed, neither were my colleagues.

Cooking dinner my first day in my new apartment. While busy with the main dish, placed double pot steamer on burner with potatos inside. Halfway done with main meal and remember I haven't steamed potatos yet. Turn burner on high. Several moments later, notice no steam coming from pots. Notice aluminum foil around burner. Remember I neglected to put water in bottom pot and that the 1/4 inch aluminum base was melting all over my stove. Picked up pot and swung it over to sink to run cold water over it. Notice smoke rising over my shoulders. Turn to find kitchen floor on fire from the hot dripping metal. Grab fire extinguisher. Discover it isn't like the foam mess that you see on "I Love Lucy", rather the raging powder mess of a an anthrax scare. Choking, gagging, apartment covered in caustic powder, damage deposit, and I've ruined my favorite pot.
Stupid.

Yelling 'I am crazy!' in German while running through the main concourse on campus. This was right after the test, so I suppose it was justifiable.

I was checking the bottom of my pancakes to see that they were sufficiently golden. Touched my nose tip to the frying pan rim. Try explaining that burn to people. "Yes, I ran into a very hot wall, very slowly."

I thought David Spade was the fourth Hanson. Remember years ago at the VMAs, when they came on stage together and pretended that? Yeah, well, I believed it, and the next day told my friends, "well, the oldest one wasn't so bad..." response: "that wasn't a Hanson. That was David Spade." Me? I didn't know who Spade was.

looking for my eye glasses not realizing i hasve them on my head lol

If I had recorded my dinky version of "Green Onions" on the organ one more time WITHOUT THE MICROPHONE ON, I may have cried. Really. And I haven't cried since my Paw Paw died.

A few years ago, we put an extra room on our house -- that is, we paid someone to do it. One morning, the bricklayer came and laid a course of bricks. I was mightily impressed how he just used his hand to knock out a brick that had been laid slightly askew. Eight hours later, I come home. See another brick askew. Whack it with my hand. Hard. Oops! Morter sets pretty hard in eight hours. Hand splits open. Blood everywhere. Very embarrassing explanation of how I got twelve stitches in my hand ensues.

Putting laundry detergent in the dishwasher. Spent the rest of the day mopping up my kitchen.

Playing the lottery, ever buying grape soda, or putting in my contacts when I have toothpaste residue on my fingers and ending up with minty eyes. What compounds these stupid acts is that I still commit them on occasion.

I do ALL the cooking in my house. And last year I did something really stupid. I forgot to add water to the rice that I put in the microwave. About 5 to 7 minutes later I thought to myself, gee, something smells rather funny; so I got up from the couch and walked back into the kitchen to discover a room filled with smoke. I had to cancel a business trip to NYC that was scheduled for the next day so that I could wash, and re-wash every single cup, glass, plate, and saucer that was in the kitchen cabinets, plus wash all the cabinets--inside and out; this work done mind you during winter with fans blowing (that's what the fire department recommended) and windows opened. Brrrrrrr. Stupid Bruce!

At age 4, I bungled my first joke - 'Is your refrigerator working?"

At age 5, I jumped off a chair and landed on my face, on a dare. Knocked myself (and my two front teeth) out.

At age 7, I got my words mixed up and announced that I ate octopus testicles that day.

it just goes downhill from there...

I thought I could work off the pain of a broken heart by staying busy and not stopping to think. Now I'm broken hearted and sick since I neglected to eat as well or often as I normally do, and working far more. Really, it much better just being sad.

Years ago, in my stupid phase, I quit a job on the assumption that an interview had gone so well that I couldn't not get the other. Needeless to say, I ended up with no job and a very bruised ego...

Talking on the phone while using the toilette is dumb. Dropping the (cordless) phone into the bowl mid-conversation is stupid.

One time at band camp ... well actually the mall. As I was walking out of the shoe store the glass wall separating the store from the rest of the mall was so sparkly clean I took the liberty of walking right into it. Boing! and Stupid!

A

While testing an email sending subroutine, I sent an unfinished newsletter to approximately 1600 email addresses by accident. Sorry guys, didn't mean to spam...

In the heat of ecstasy, grabing the toothpaste instead of the KY Jelly. Stu-pid!

This morning I poured coffee on my cereal. I can only partially attribute this to stupidity. Some of the blame goes to my lack of sleep. Therefore I am leading a campaign for the institution of sanctioned nap-taking in America.

i re-heated my chick fil-a sandwich in the microwave. the sandwich had a foil wrapper.

My sister and I played grape-baseball in my mother's dining room. White grape juice is really tough to wash off walls, and neither of us could reach the white-washed cieling with the glistening splatter marks with which I could claim a dozen homeruns.

Yesterday I pulled into my usual parking ramp and realized I had no cash. If you pre-pay with the early bird special you save $2. So I realized I'd have to get cash at lunch and pay on my way out. Got the cash. But after work I got to the ramp, got in the car and started it...then realized I'd left my wallet in my frigging desk. Doh! Had to trudge all the way back for it. Luckily I still made it to the daycare on time. Sigh.

While watching the movie Armageddon in a cinema in Paris, immediately after the sequence where fragments of meteor destroy the city I blurted out over a silenced Parisian audience "That was so cool!"

My first time on a ski slope I didn't know to lock off the boots and tumbled head first down the slope. When the instructor glided gracefully up alongside me I complained that there was snow in my boots that had caused me to fall.

Obviously it was saying something stupid like I love you.

Um, I thought the Chrysler building was the Empire State building until I first went to New York. God!

Not so long ago, I thought this person might have actually liked me. STUPID!

Not so long ago, I put some bread to bake in the oven.
We ate our meal, then went to the movies and came back a few hours later. Then, still chatting about the movie, i went into the kitchen and found the place to be pretty hot, I opened the oven and found something that looked like a burnt rock.
The bread... imb�cile!

I dropped my glasses in the toilet. Twice.

Stupid to me
@ the present moment is
serious
It means
being trapped - paying
lots of money
(this wednesday)
& told
that I had a serious spinal condition
by a chiropractor when In fact
they were only making money
on my vunrability & gullible nature....

Yesterday I throw my brief case at my boss. Yes - I did. she's not in yet this morning, so I don't know if I still have a job.

I worked as a cashier at a local pool in high school.

I'd sit behind the old cash register and have all day to dream up interesting things to ponder. I loved thinking up these really funny things that could happen..
One day, one of the lifeguards walked by the register. In my head I imagined myself springing up from my chair, starting to tell them a joke in the process. Midway out of my chair, I imagined my kneed catching the side of the table and I (still making the weird noise which supposedly is the start of a joke) collapse at their feet- now realizing what a dork I have become and I begin to laugh, laying there in front of them.

Thinking of my funny little story as I stared at the wall, I burst out laughing.. and the lifeguard walking by gives me yet another cock-eyed look.

:bows:

I went grocery shopping on Tuesday ... without my wallet. Didn't realise this fact until I had unloaded all of the groceries at the cash register. D'oh!

The only thing I can recollect is (to be honest) laughing REALLY hard during a sexual activity, setting off the entire mood.

Try giving yourself a black eye... while body surfing... in about 50 centimetres of water! As the ocean floor rushed up to meet me, I valiantly decided to protect my entire body with my right eye. Pretty stupid. Er, when does the catharsis kick in? :) usr/sean/sydney/australia/2002

Last week my car's battery needed charging, so I removed it from the car, brought it inside and connected it to the charger. Backwards.

The charger immediately started smoking and the wires began to glow red. Meanwhile, I was madly unplugging the charger from the wall and wondering how to stop the short circuit (without burning my hands) before the battery exploded. Luckily one of the wires got so hot that it melted through, disconnecting the circuit.

Now, several days later, I have a well-cooked charger, a small burn on the floor and a room that has only just stopped smelling of molten plastic.

On Tuesday, I put my my leftover won ton soup in the microwave and set it for 3 minutes.

I walked away, returned about 4 minutes later, and opened the refrigerator to retrieve it.

Apparently, the soup wasn't in there.

A couple of days ago, I was trying to get the foil off the neck of a bottle of wine so I could pull the cork. Stupidly, I decided to try to cut the foil with the tip if the corkscrew. As I struggled with it, it occurred to me that I was about to stab myself in the thumb with a corkscrew, so I swapped hands, wishing not to injure my right; thirty seconds later, bleeding furiously from the left thumb, it occurred to me that I probably ought to have chosen a different tool when it became evident I was about to injure myself.

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