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friday, march 31 I will never, ever drink again. 4:26 PM  Oh, I found the slides of the final product of Penis Envy today. They sure are purty. I don't have a slide scanner but when things settle down, I'll get them scanned so you too can enjoy the fruits of my labour. Unfortunately, there are no "before" shots. The postscript to the story is that I decided to create boudoir "toys" for Marie Antoinette (pink and ruffley), Catherine the Great (an equine theme natch), Joan of Arch (metal and fire) and Judy Chicago. Do you know The Dinner Party? You have to understand The Dinner Party to get the joke. 4:00 PM RABBIT RABBIT! 2:25 PM 12:43 PM Have you ever had to sign 100 of something? I do. I'm waiting for my dental Valium to wear off before I even begin contemplating this task. Crap. 12:39 PM Why is it that children can be so hateful towards one another? Perhaps as adults, we've learned to temper our actions but childhood trauma can be long lasting. One lunchtime, when I was in grade six, sitting on the rolling hill behind the school, the group of girls that I hung out with, many for a number of years, said "Heather, we don't want you to hang out with us anymore." I remember standing, turning and walking back down to the school. I stood just inside the doors watching them, wondering what made them so different from me. I wish I could have been stronger. I wish that it hadn't mattered to me so much. I wish I could have said "fuck you," held my head high, but you're not equipped to deal with events like this at that age. That single moment has coloured much of my life. It has made me doubt many of my relationships as I always wait for people to realize that I am unworthy of friendship. I've long fantasized about meeting those girls, of running into them someplace, looking them straight in the eye and saying "you don't know what you've missed." 3:47 AM thursday, march 30 It's a big day for a certain person tomorrow. You might want to send him a card. 4:17 PM Makeup tips for girls with fair skin. Some shades of purple lipstick are really unfortunate and should be avoided at all costs lest you end up looking like another orifice - a true potty mouth. I told Afsun that I called this "sphincter face" but I think that's too rude to post here. (An observation from a dinner I attended last night.) 2:03 PM "When you first see a new picture, you don't want to miss the boat. You have to be very careful. You might be staring at Van Gogh's ear." - Van Gogh Boat, Basquiat soundtrack. 9:54 AM The bunny has a home... And it's going to the person I had in mind (happy dance to the tune of "Go West"). 9:07 AM Doesn't this look like Return of the Blob? Or perhaps an outake from Volcano? 5:26 AM It's a little too early in the AM to get spooky, woo woo but what the hell. You all might as well enjoy the fruits of my insomnia as much as I am. Follow the pink rabbit. When Alex left New York for San Francisco last year, he sent around an email garage sale list. Considering my past experiences with eBay, how could I not make a bid and buy an inflatable pink rabbit? It only seemed fitting. I made an offer ($1) and a week or so later she arrived by post, deflated and mashed into a padded envelope. I've now come to believe that this pink rabbit is the rabbit of change (no, I'm not on crack). I'd like to pass this puppy on to someone who may or may not be thinking about change. The deal is that you have to pass her along if and when change takes place. Let me know. There is no spoon baby! 5:16 AM I can resist no longer. Feel the love baby. 4:40 AM wednesday, march 29 Please stand by. Operators will assist you. 8:49 PM Elise has retired the Weasel. The Weasel is dead! Love live the Weasel! I just know she's going to come back and sock us all in the jaw. I know exactly how she feels. Jezebel is going to be four in June. And there's a bunch of stuff that pre-dates that, back to 94, from my ~ days at Princeton. I've already retired a big chunk that doesn't make sense any more. How can I replicate the silliness that was "title bar animation"? Glenn and I giggling on the telephone as we created a shark fin moving back and forth à la Jaws, with just a bunch of characters and many lines of code. It was about then, about taking advantage of bugs and instability. I still have all the submissions from "tell Santa whether you've been naughty or nice" Christmas '94 on, so don't think you're off the hook. 5:20 AM When my god-daughter Matilda was born, I thought her name was Ma~. 5:20 AM tuesday, march 28 Do you know A Humument? I must confess that I came by my copy quite naughtily by scamming Daniel's when I left New York (it was out of print then - which doesn't make it right). "In 1966 the British artist Tom Phillips purchased an obscure Victorian novel called A Human Document from a secondhand bookshop. He then proceeded to subject the book to "treatment," coloring in or blacking out passages in order to form striking designs and new narratives and images." I think I'll send him a new copy to avoid karmic justice. 6:43 PM I had to turn everything over twice today to find a much needed document. At one point, a ragged slip of manila paper fluttered from between two books. "Love is the only enchantment" scrawled in my awkward handwriting. A quote I'd read or seen from someplace now forgotten. 4:14 PM Ack! Why thank you Ev... I'll have you know that someone once tried to pick me up in a bar with "Canadian women are so exotic!" Exotic? How drunk was he? Yes, it must be the thermal underwear, the Sorel boots (mine are the black Glaciers) and the Michelin like outer clothing. I really like Meg's movie star shot... 11:47 AM Ten things I'll miss: 1. Claire, Owen & Eamon 2. Afsun, Emilie, Nathalie & Marie 3. Fairmount bagels: anything else is just a poofy bread object (food) 4. Mont Royal: I've spent many hours tramping around through the forest 5. Dairy Queen (more food) 6. Maple Products (and even more food) 7. Saying things in French that make people laugh: Never say "mange moi" to anyone, ever, even in jest 8. Pretty money 9. Serious snow (I'm not including the negative Celsius temp. Montreal can keep that) 10. Voting 10:20 AM Michael Caine? This is my Michael Caine... Get Carter, The Ipcress File & The Italian Job. The Italian Job is such a fine giggle. 8:51 AM monday, march 27 Hey, I just noticed that Disinfo is up for the "weird" Webby Award. Vote for Richard & Gary! 6:18 AM Is it just me or did anyone else find it incredibly tacky that the cameras panned to Jack Nicholson when Anjelica Huston was up at the podium last night? Did they pan to Brad Pitt when Gwyneth was presenting? It was a very "I've seen you naked" moment. One Halloween party, a million years ago, I was embarrassed beyond belief when my boyfriend yelled out drunkenly, from across the room, "I've seen you naked". While the party was fairly rowdy, it must have happened at either twenty past or twenty to the hour when a room typically falls silent. I froze. Considering I was covered in white makeup and costumed as a statue, it worked. 4:54 AM Story: Penis Envy 4:31 AM sunday, march 26 My current favourite word is "odd". For every word I adopt I need to discard one... nev·er Pronunciation: 'ne-v&r Function: adverb Etymology: Middle English, from Old English n[AE]fre, from ne not + [AE]fre ever Date: before 12th century 1 : not ever : at no time <I never met her> 2 : not in any degree : not under any condition <never the wiser for his experience> I've decided that I should just chuck the word "never" from my vocabulary - like it never existed or send it off to never never land. When I lived in New York I said that I would never go back to Canada. When I came back, I said that I would never go back to the states. I'll never say never again (well, hardly ever). Can you see where this is going? Or better yet, where I'm going? 3:42 PM Change has made me crazy in the past. I could literally not deal with one iota of difference from what was. I remember weeping uncontrollably when a co-worker joined another team and moved floors (much to the consternation of those around me) but then again, that was the year I cried on the way to work and cried all the way home every day. Sixth avenue was washed clean with my tears... But I’ve come to embrace the other side of change. Change can be good, change can be positive, change can be exhilarating... And right now, change rocks my world. 11:33 AM Call me optimistic! I've added a little do-hickey - - at the end of each post, to optimize your linking experience.4:10 AM saturday, march 25 The harrumph! Blogger ID generates a numerology equivalent of 4: "...4 produces the most trustworthy, practical, and down-to-earth of individuals ... You are apt to be an excellent organizer and planner because of your innate ability to view things in a very common sense and practical way. You have the kind of will power that is often mistaken for sheer stubbornness ... Loyal and devoted, you make the best of your marriage, and you are a dependable business partner. Friends may be few in number, but you are very close to them and once friendships are made, they often last a lifetime. The number 4 is solidly associated with the element of earth from which it gains it strength and utter sense of reality. You are one of the most dependable people you know. If patience and determination can ever win, you are sure to achieve great success in life." - Astrology-Numerology.com To figure out yours, add the numbers of your ID together, until reduced to a single digit. Example, Blogger ID 12345 = 1+2+3+4+5 = 15, 1+5 = 6, then go here and find out the details. 7:56 PM  Please welcome Tracy & Jessamyn!6:39 AM Here's a short, short story: Sin 5:16 AM friday, march 24 It's all a question of timing. Knock at the door... What now? The film freaks have finally gone and peace has returned. I'm still a bit woozy from the Valium*. A gentleman is canvassing the neighbourhood for signatures as he is applying for a film permit to shut down the street and make a commercial. The first words out of my mouth are "you've got to be kidding me?" My eyebrows slowly returned to their normal position having shot up to my hairline at his request. I made him really work for it before I finally relented and signed. Just go away and leave me alone. Buzzer sounds... "Flowers!" Well no one sends me flowers so I'm intrigued. "We are deeply sorry for the noise. Thank you for your understanding. Sincerely, the crew of Xchange. I wish you could see this thing. It looks like something from Journey to the Center of the Earth. Big weird berries, bamboo and some really ugly flowers from Zen, one of the more upmarket florists in town. *I haven't wanted to bore you all to tears with my ongoing dental adventures. I am so there with Brig when it comes to the soft, British teeth problem. The approaching Tsunami has rearranged and sped up the schedule so instead of two fillings, today was "graft" day. I'm not going to go into the details but when it was over, I looked in the mirror and Blade "Bloodbath" immediately came to mind. The dentist sooths me with valium because I am a nightmare patient. 4:47 PM Final stop on my North American blog tour: Lunch with Jish. Jish is a breath of fresh air. I'm so, so glad he shared. 12:50 PM Bruce's Loo Redux: I think that this is just too, too funny! Bravo! 9:29 AM The gun fire appears to have ceased. I'm pissed because it keeps startling me, the typical peace of the loft punctuated with loud volleys, day and night. I was thinking, I'm sitting here and I know it's not real. It's just a movie, a bunch of special effects, boys with pyrotechnics. But somewhere... somewhere else right now, someone is sitting and the bullets are real. And somehow me being pissed doesn't seem to matter much. 8:31 AM 2nd stop on my North American blog tour? Montreal (home). It was a pleasure to meet Mike, Ed, Dave and Aaron. The snaps are a tad dark due to Else's low lighting. 4:10 AM I just adore working with Ter: "This will change at will to confuse you and make you dependent on my every whim ;)" 1:23 AM Oh, I'm sorry. I completely forgot that people who are having trouble sleeping MUST live above people who make movies and fire "weapons" in the middle of the night! What was I thinking? Movie people suck. 1:07 AM thursday, march 23 I seem to have Blogger diarrhea. I'm assuming that this is a normal condition for a new blogger and that I'll post prudently tomorrow. 5:19 PM Pearson International Airport, Terminal 3, 6:45 AM. I don't care that this is only informing me of an IP conflict. I don't want to see this at any airport when I am about to board a plane. Never. Period. 5:09 PM I used to think that Audio Guides were sissy. Claire won me over last year at the Sargent show at the MFA in Boston. So yesterday, when wandering around Egyptian Art in the Age of the Pyramids, I was vastly entertained by Patrick Watson's soothing voice reacquainting me with all the art history I had forgotten since graduation. The show floored me. So many seminal works which you only learn about through Janson. Don't you think that this is definitive proof of reincarnation? 4:49 PM Remember Ruby & Diane? Well, I was informed last night that my girlfriends have decided that they will no longer become attached to my boyfriends (I don't even want to get in to where this is going). More importantly, they have decided that Christopher F (who I dated a million years ago) was the pick of the litter. I am so, so glad they missed most of the New York years. I only wish I could have. 2:42 PM FYI: The third column will come back... I just can't implement anything fancy where harrumph! is currently hosted. 2:08 PM It's all about Che. I haven't seen Rob in a long time. Many of the people I went to high school with became lawyers. Rob was the first one to see the light and drop out. He joined Butterfield & Robinson and has spend the last eight years trekking all over the globe leading and researching the kind of vacations that I can only dream about. He recently spent a few weeks touring Cuba as a possible tour destination. Ruby and Diane start talking about "Che" and the gift that Rob is going to give them. I have no idea what they are talking about, then Rob asks me "did they tell you about Che?" "Che" turns out to be an amazing 16 x 20 framed photograph of Che Guevara lifting an infant to eye level. Father and child gaze at one another in an incredibly intimate moment. It's nothing like the fatigue clad, gun toting revolutionary that typically comes to mind. You've never seen a picture of Che like this. 11:27 AM Wee changes around here. They're not over yet. I'm blissed out on Blogger I brought back a wonderful sense of calm serenity from Toronto (more about that later) which has quite literally been shot to shit. As I write this Stephen Baldwin is one floor below spraying faux machine gun fire across what seems to be the entire expanse of the building. I was talking to Tom on the phone and quite literally screamed at him when the first barrage erupted. I have enough adrenaline pumping through me right now to fell a good sized bear. Ack! I can see my productivity going down the loo... 10:30 AM |
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