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sunday, april 30 Somehow, New Years didn't seem like such an important milestone. There was too much left unsaid, too much unsettled and too much unknown. The world was celebrating, but inside, I just felt numb. Don't get me wrong, I had been looking forward to the turn of the century for months. There was so much that I was looking forward to leaving behind. It was an opportunity to, once and for all, say goodbye to a few, tired neuroses and hang ups that I'd mistakenly nurtured for far too long. In March, an unexpected epiphany began a series of major life changes. I ended a withered relationship. I fell madly in love. I found a new home. I moved across a continent. I left behind beloved family and good friends. I fell quite ill. I was lovingly nursed and quickly healed. And I turned a year older. Coming out the other end of this cataclysmic cycle of change, I think I can safely say that my new century has begun. 1:14 PM  Thanks to everyone for the wonderful birthday greetings yesterday. It was the most blissful birthday ever. 9:51 AM Every season I forget previous lessons learned. Take spring. Never walk across an open field at night. You *will* get a soaker. What did I do a couple of months ago? Walk across an open field, of course. Soaked my poor, beautiful Merrills. Winter? The depth of the snow bank is always 2" greater than the height of your boot. Though a little early, I'd forgotten the summer "car arm" rule. You can't hang one arm out the window of a car for over an hour on a bright, sunny day, and not expect some lasting memento of the occasion. Yes, I have a doozy of a car arm today - made ever more attractive by the demarkation of my short sleeve. Keep those arms inside the vehicle, or smear on some protection baby. 9:48 AM saturday, april 29 It's my birthday today. How can you help me celebrate? Visit the Hunger Site and feed someone. Other things that happened on this day in history. 7:22 AM friday, april 28 My view. 4:12 PM Ikea update: Chair 1, 45 minutes; chair 2, 15 minutes. I would advise you only to sit in chair 2 (I've already muddled them up so I don't know which is which). Gate leg table, 2 hours (it was fiddly). Computer table (phase I completed - waiting for some brawn for phase II). Consumers should be compelled to by multiples at Ikea. This way they can feel like idiots for the first item and rock stars for the remaining. 2:57 PM I really don't get the whole "girl" vs. "woman" thing that's got everyone is such a tizzy. I never have. I regularly call men "boys" but it's not derogatory. Men and women were my parents. Maybe it has something to do with my inability to feel like a "grownup." 2:49 PM Possible alternate revenue stream: Sell leftover Vicodan, pill by pill on eBay! Couldn't do it all at one, 'cos someone might take too many at one time, and we wouldn't want that. Or, save them for party favours, or trade them for IKEA installation. How can people get addicted to this stuff? It's just not my type of high. Maybe low is a better word. It's just not my type of low. I'll wait till it's over and most likely, flush the whole mess down the loo. 7:21 AM Oh, Prol. I'm almost ready to fly in an IKEA whiz... 6:52 AM thursday, april 27 I've found that my healing has limbo moments. A few days ago, I was well enough to wash the dishes, but stacking them defeated me. Today, I am well enough to kill my credit card but can't follow the directions to put the silly things together. Life on Mars begins, surrounded by boxes. 7:53 PM Canadians are the new Americans. 7:38 PM I don't want to go into how many of these may or may not be appropriate. I'm not sure about number 7. Ter told me that I could have only gotten sick by eating rat turds (!) and someone else, that I must have been the wrong way up in the dentist's chair (!!). Either way, it's further proof that I'm a dirty girl. [via Kristin] 7:36 PM You can't seem to hail a cab in SF like any other ordinary place on earth. What's up with that? I was laden down with enough cleaning products to defoliate a small Caribbean island and just felt like throwing myself in front of one. But that would defeat the whole purpose having made it through the recent hell, so I thought the better of it. 7:31 PM I think the real me has finally decided to peek out from beneath the quagmire of sickness. It's a glorious day. The first in nine. It's about fucking time! Now, where was I? 8:42 AM wednesday, april 26 What is the sum of the angels around a vertex? 6:19 AM So, sometimes, when you go to Mark's site, and the wee web cam shot shows him topless, do you get the feeling that the Internet Porn Police are going to bust down your door? Right away? 6:19 AM tuesday, april 25 I'm going to remake that "Ricola" commercial. You know the one. Two lederhosen dudes, standing on top of a Swiss mountain with those giant horns, yodelling "Ri-co-la". Picture me, on top of a giant bed, bedecked in flannel nightie, waving a giant thermometer, yelling "E-co-li." I bet that would get parents across America washing their cutting boards. 6:19 PM The good news: The fevers appear to have left, as they had come, like a thief in the night. Vicodan's siren song is falling on deaf ears. The bad news: The antibiotics have their own special nastiness, which is leaving me quite "fragile." Fragile is the polite word. Psycho is at the other end of this particular spectrum. Pick a point somewhere between the two, and you'll find the truth. 6:06 PM monday, april 24 This loopiness is such a pain in the ass. I've been sitting here trying to write a considered, thoughtful comment regarding Roger Black's idiocy for the current thread over at MetaFilter but all that has come to mind is the following: "Roger and Jakob sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love then comes marriage, then comes Jakob with a baby carriage." The horror. 8:44 PM I've never been a big Friends fan. Maybe it was my own, bitter, twisted housing history in New York (how could they afford an apartment like that?) I discovered this evening that there is something about the combination of Friends + heavy narcotics that makes it much more funny. Even the commercials seem more interesting. Red Lobster? Ok. Sizzler? I'm there! Must avoid home shopping channel at all cost. 7:56 PM Stimpy? I think not. He's been an absolute angel, even though last week definitely could have provided additional video footage. 10:35 AM Further proof that I'm male. 8:18 AM sunday, april 23 Funny. Did I say diagnosis? It turns out that what I've really been under attack from is Enteroaggregative Escherichia coli or more commonly E. coli. It's not like I've been hanging around with six year olds and feasting at Jack in the Box, but the gum thing gave entry to the little bastards and they've set up house. I'll have a few more days fighting fever spikes but I have some great drugs and better experience dealing with it. I really do feel much better. Really. 7:55 PM To hell with an "about" page. When I get better, I'm going to create an "aboot" page. [via Metafilter] 12:03 PM Yes I should not be posting. Yes I'm really not of sound mind and body but please don't tell me not too, because I'm about to go out of my fucking mind. The short story: It's getting weirder, but it's also getting better (not quite "Ebola Champ") The last gum graft might be at the root of all this trouble. I have a great "picture of the day" a la Ev, but I'll spare you. 11:55 AM What is it about Canadians? We just can't stay away from another. Is it our magnetic personalities? My doctor on Friday did all his training at the Ottawa General which was just down the street from my High School. He informed all the nurses that they had to be nice to me because I was a fellow canuck. Yesterday, my nurse practitioner was also Canadian. In most situations, Canadians manage to find one another. 11:52 AM I was wondering about this yesterday (Saturday, the 1999 bit). 11:48 AM friday, april 21 Yet another seven hours in emergency has resulted in a diagnosis after a chest x-ray, three sets of blood tests, IV with 1.5 litres of saline and eventually a kickass antibiotic. The painkillers alone will provide hours of entertainment. I'm already walking around like Frankenstein. 9:06 PM thursday, april 20 Fourteen story-tall Tetris. Need I say more? 8:30 PM Claire was telling me today that Sharon is working on finding a "medium" speed by the time she turns forty. It seems quite reasonable. I've been running at full tilt for so long that I've not been able to slow down. It appears that my body found a solution and bopped me over the head with it. Perhaps, I too can find a medium speed. My temperature has been "normal" for the last six hours so maybe the worst is over. Thanks to everyone who sent get well messages. They were much appreciated. 7:54 PM (Oh) what a lovely way to burn... 7:35 PM Speaking of taking temperatures. I decided to toss out two thermometers in Montreal because I couldn't remember which one was for humans and which one had been stuck up the pups butts. Seemed to be the safest course of action. 7:33 AM I feel disgustingly healthy, though rather achy, after my little adventure in high temperatures yesterday. It took a trip to the UCSF emergency room late yesterday afternoon, to knock the stuffing out of the second spike (104.5°). A few days of bed rest will complete the cure. Missed the perfect mirror shot while garbed in a very attractive medical robe. I'm putting this down to the really bilious green nail polish which I painted my toes with on Monday night. I just knew that there was something wrong with the colour. 7:01 AM wednesday, april 19 You San Franciscans really know how to show a girl a good time. Waking up with a temperature of 103.2° is not the most auspicious begining. I'm going back to bed now. 11:44 AM tuesday, april 18 Soon, sooner, soonest. 3:04 AM Melanie, baby, the schwag is in the mail. There's lots more where it came from for the rest of you, so don't be shy. Let me know if you need a little sweetness in your life. 1:43 AM monday, april 17 My last night, my last few hours in Montreal. Tomorrow, I wend my way westward to San Francisco. There is so much to say, yet, I can't find the best thread with which to unravel it. To finish the story of what Montreal has meant to me. To begin the story of what I'm looking forward to. You are most likely as bored to tears with the move as I am. Well, it's almost over. I promise. 7:34 PM Today's words of wisdom: Floss and visit the dentist twice a year! I've just finished my six month millennial tooth reparation project after avoiding the dentist for most of the nineties. Nine visits, two gum grafts and a million replaced fillings later, I find my wallet to be somewhat thinner, but my smile, that much brighter. 1:33 PM A must read: Meg's dot com commentary. 1:28 PM Tickled pink that harrumph! was mentioned in Derek Powazek's most recent interview. 1:18 PM From Henry - "Well, Mars *does* need women." 9:31 AM Enough with the goodbyes. I've had it. From here on in, it's "au revoir." In this day and age it's impossible to say goodbye. It's not as if I'm boarding some boat and heading across a vast expanse of water to some great unknown, as my Huguenot forefathers did some centuries ago when they fled France to Ireland. Besides, the goodbyes are making me cry. Some people cry beautifully. Little dewy tears course down rose petal cheeks. Me? Nope. Ugly, ugly, ugly. I wail like a banshee and my nose runs incessantly. 6:27 AM sunday, april 16 hey you! ya, you! {wiggley finger} 4:14 PM Soon. 11:55 AM I thought I was the queen of the highway, cruising along at 145-150 km, the highway stretched out in front of me, clear and dry. Well, my ass was smoked by a sleek, black Jaguar going god knows how fast. He was there and then gone. I could have been standing still. 11:54 AM The words girl, guide and cookies should melt the heart of any Canadian. Yes, it's that time of year when the Girl Guides of Canada go door to door selling cookies. We do it a little differently up here. One box, two flavours - the essentials - chocolate and vanilla (ignore the mint things - they are just "johny-come-lately" namby-pamby cookies). I have a box, and if you are very good, I'll share them with you. 6:40 AM saturday, april 15 Today's going to be a horrible day. The goodbyes that I don't want to say must be said. I'm all veklempt. 11:11 AM So far, I've determined my essentials to be the VAIO, a teapot, accompanying tea cozy, kettle, the last of the Yule tea that Em brought back from Copenhagen, binoculars, a can of maple syrup, a ViewMaster + 200 vintage reels, 3 of Nicole's small paintings, my beat up boom box, 30 CDs and a variety of clothes to withstand the ever changing SF weather. This is aside from the computers which are being FedExed. I guess that you could call this my desert island list. The stuff that comes with on the plane. What is it that you couldn't live without? Who knows when everything else will show up. They've specified a one to four week delivery window. If I was smart, I'd buy a cheap GPS, stick it in one of the boxes and track the movement of my stuff to SF, most likely via the Florida pan handle. 9:58 AM friday, april 14 Packing hell. I discovered a few things about myself while boxing up my life tonight. I have horrid taste in music and I'm regularly possessed by demons when I buy clothes. I have not one, but two pairs of leather pants. One black and the other, well, they can only be described as disco hell. Picture leather that has a patina of really shiny bronze. I also rediscovered my Jean Paul Gautier jeans which are shiny purple with a tiny, lime skull and cross bone pattern. What would better complete this ensemble but a shiny, turquoise cowboy shirt piped with black? Un-fucking believable. 10:29 PM I've never been one for nicknames. Heather is such a bimbo name* and doesn't really lend itself to something short and snappy. To some, I am "haitch" as I typically sign things with just and "h." The guys at up2 couldn't pronounce the "th" so I became "header" or "heater" ("chaufrette"). Phone rings. "Hello Diphthong." I had completely forgotten that a couple of my New York friends used to called me diphthong. *These are my issues - if you are a Heather, I don't mean to offend. 10:26 AM thursday, april 13 Even in Kyoto- hearing the cuckoo's cry- I long for Kyoto. - Matsuo Basho (1644 - 1694) 10:20 PM Eric is one of the most interesting people I know. In addition to his ultra cool Brix Builder app, he created a life-size Lego R2D2 last summer. I was thrilled that we could get together last Sunday. 5:39 PM Much of today has been wrapped in nostalgia. I've been opening boxes that, I must confess, were never unpacked from the New York move. Some boxes are treasure chests, some bittersweet and others ROTLA - Raiders of the Lost Ark. You know the scene where they crack open the Ark of the Covenant and the spirits fly out? I've been walking with ghosts. 5:06 PM You are a beautiful and unique snowflake! 4:23 PM "He's interesting. But he's not Brazilian-bikini-wax interesting." - New Yorker cartoon 11:02 AM How many rays in your sunshine? 9:09 AM In digging through boxes this morning, I've come across three copies of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff. All gifts. From friends. 8:51 AM wednesday, april 12 CNN has been one flavour of browser "home" for some time. It ensures that a little bit of the outside world peeks in from time to time. Every time I launched a new browser window tonight, I was assailed with "Breaking News" regarding the Elian debacle. Ack! Ack! Ack! Time for change. 10:20 PM Forget six degrees of separation, I think it's being reduced to two or three. 7:06 PM Elise... I just got my first Barbie in like, a million years. The girls gave me Montreal Barbie as a going away present. Anyone who's been reading for awhile might remember Heather as Montreal Barbie which some smarty pants whipped up. 6:58 PM Oh! My! God! Will someone please send the eBay deprogrammers to Elise's house? The girl has snapped! 6:34 PM There have been a few times in my life when a friendship shatters over a seemingly minor irritant. Each time, I've never realized that the relationship had become so hard, so brittle, that it wouldn't survive difficulty. 1:59 PM Have I mentioned that Denise has the coolest copyright line? 1:58 PM Excellent. John's online at McSweeney's. 8:02 AM Word From The WaSP. 7:14 AM tuesday, april 11 So naive. When I was eighteen, I sat down and wrote a letter to myself to open on my thirtieth birthday. I have a copy of it here somewhere. I'm hoping that it sifts to the surface during the move. Basically it boils down to Heather wanted to be a soccer mom when she grew up. You might have guessed by now that I am anything but. Perhaps it was my reaction to my mothers imminent death (she would lose her battle with cancer a few months later), a stake in the ground for the home that would cease to exist. I'm not a person with a five year plan. I'm quite suspicious of people with five year plans. It's a concept that I've never been able to get my head around and quite frankly, I think, a little short sighted. I briefly flirted with the idea of penning a letter New Year's Day to open at the end of the decade but what would I write? If you had asked me a year, hell six months ago, I wouldn't have predicted the current state of the union chez moi. 10:24 PM No, I don't have a penis. 8:51 PM Go. 8:32 PM So, would you pick the red pill or the blue pill? 7:52 PM I'm watching The Astronaut's Wife. Why is it that women always get pregnant with alien babies? Anyway, that really tall actor from Manhunter is in the movie. I remember running to catch the A train downtown at Penn station. I slithered between the closing doors and tried to collect myself. There was this really tall guy standing beside me. I realized it was him, the creepy serial killer from Manhunter. I must have jumped a foot. 7:51 PM "The people who throng the streets shout at each other, their voices rising from the mass of heads and floating upwards towards the church spires and the great copper bells that clang the end of every day. Their words, rising up, form a thick cloud over the city, which every so often must be thoroughly cleansed of too much language. Men and women fly balloons up from the main square and, armed with mops and scrubbing brushes, do battle with the canopy of words trapped under the sun. The words resist erasure. The oldest and most stubborn form a thick crust of chattering rage. Cleaners have been bitten by words still quarrelling..." - Jeanette Winterson, Sexing the Cherry. 10:49 AM Wooly headed from Valium (2nd of two gum grafts this morning), standing at the cash of the Supermarche, juice concoction in hand, trying to shepherd my thoughts into a constructive direction when "California Dreaming" wends its way through the sound system. "California dreaming on such a winters day..." Yes, I know, it's about LA, but nonetheless, it was a "soundtrack" moment. 9:38 AM In January I purchased a Koinobori, or carp streamer from the Chinatown Kite Shop. "In Japan, carp streamers are traditionally flown on May 5, Boy's Day. Flying carps are hoisted onto poles that reach up into the blue sky for several weeks around May 5. The flying carp symbolizes courage and ambition recognizing a tale of a carp that once swam all the way to heaven to become a dragon." Little did I realize then, that I would be swimming all the way from Montreal. 5:54 AM Belated happy birthday Clem! That's Clem. C-L-E-M! Clem! Clem! Clem! 4:25 AM monday, april 10 39 cm of fucking snow. Stepped from taxi, into snowbank. Apparently, at this time of year, they just wait for it to melt - they don't move it. Oh, and there's more coming. This is some sort of karmic justice for the slight tan I received while riding a bike around Golden Gate Park yesterday. 8:34 PM A few years ago, Claire and I drove around the Four Corners area for eight days. It was a magical trip as we slipped through centuries of history & culture and millenniums of nature's grandeur. Monument Valley, The Very Large Array, Mesa Verde and various Missons. Around every corner was a new and wilder vista. Large, round, purple rocks became tall, skinny, green rocks - square, orange land forms became orange, triangular land forms. The landscapes that inspired Georgia O'Keefe, alien landscapes that must have enchanted and perplexed those who move westward from what was known. Very strange and wonderful to my North Eastern Eye. Wandering around Muir Woods I realized that San Francisco has been the same for me. The flora is so very different, the scale is wrong, nothing is identifiable. The fauna? That's another story. 8:20 AM And what did you do in San Francisco? Why, Jell-O shots with Meg silly. I was relatively unplugged last week. Can anyone bring me up to speed on the variety/number of Riothero redesigns I missed? 8:02 AM sunday, april 9 Merde. They've had a foot of snow back in Montreal. It's going to break my heart to leave... 11:15 AM I had my first San Francisco driving experience last night. With a stick no less. Thank god for parking brakes or I would have taken out the fancy planter while attempting to parallel park. "I'm in reverse!" 9:38 AM I highly recommend Lance's My Stupid Childhood at {fray}. Me stupid? Never. 9:25 AM saturday, april 8 In addition to me being male, it was pointed out that harrumph! is a "webog." What the Hell is a Webog anyway? Apologies to Derek. [Thanks Scott] 6:26 PM Does anyone remember House of Brine? On the corner of Grand & Mercer or Grand & Greene? After dark, the contents of a container of brine shrimp was magnified and projected onto the frosted windows of an empty store. The impossibly large, wriggley brine bodies swam around much to the delight/horror of those walking by. 4:48 PM A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car. - Kenneth Tynan 4:17 PM Happy birthday Owen! 3:53 PM This might come as a surprise, especially to some, but I am male. The whole female thing has just been a giant ruse. [via Ouch] 3:50 PM friday, april 7 I AM CANADIAN. [Thanks Steve] 12:28 PM Whenever I move, one box seems to fall off the truck somewhere between here and there. I never did find my skates or my Vasque boots. They are most likely hanging out with that box of expensive charcoal and the crimping iron (the loss off which you should all be thankful for). One move removed a number of CDs from my collection. I've finally replaced one of those missing CDs. Penguin Cafe Orchestra's Preludes Airs & Yodels is the perfect soundtrack for life. I'm hoping that with this move, I'll get to pick the box... 11:20 AM 5K: I've lost ten pounds and I look great. Read the title of the article silly! 6:53 AM thursday, april 6 I found a perfect sand dollar at the beach today. 5:05 PM There's so much drifting around in my head that I don't know where to begin. I start to type and then hit backspace. What do you want to read? 4:57 PM wednesday, april 5 The world is divided into two kinds of people. Those who smear their sticky paw prints on monitors and those who don't. Unfortunately, I am the former, unlike the owner of this machine, who is the latter. I'm a dirty girl. 9:29 PM What better place for a "Non-Resident Alien" than life on Mars? Yes, the view is mine. All mine. I guess that my awful experiences with housing in New York counted towards some eventual karmic reward. I will now collapse into a heap of gelatinous goop until my return to Montreal Monday, for the last week of packing, final dental trauma and goodbyes. I could go on and on about the two hours it took to open a bank account, but I'll spare you that particular rant. 9:16 PM BTW: This time, I hanging on to my "u"'s. Colour, behaviour, labour, neighbour, favour, savour, flavour, etc. I'll just smirk whenever anyone makes fun of the way I say anything that ends in "out". Go ahead, make fun of me, but I've got an extra bunch of vowels! 8:42 AM "You're not in Jerusalem to meet the Pope? I thought he was your brother-in-law?" Please? Please, can I have reasonably sane taxi drivers? How about some sort of accreditation to ensure a "weird free" ride? Don't get me wrong, I've had some great conversation with taxi drivers. My all time favourite was about the correct way to cook a turkey that lasted from Avenue A to LaGuardia. It was rather heated at times but, in the end we agreed to respect our differences with foil/no foil and high/low heat possible variations. But Jerusalem to meet the Pope? At seven o'clock in the morning, it's a little too abstract, even for me. 8:31 AM I became completely enamoured with false nails of the woman sitting next to me from Chicago to SF. Long acrylic nails with fancy airbrush work in pink, black and white. Course, I'd have to give up my day job as I wouldn't be able to type, but in terms of fashion? Then Owen sends the following. From Nikkei Weekly via New Scientist: "False fingernails that glow when you use your cellphone have been developed in Japan. The optical nails - called optils - are aimed at teenagers who want to look cool while phoning their friends. A red or blue LED in the tip of the stick-on nail has a short antenna hidden inside it. When the cellphone is in use, the antenna's electromagnetic field induces enough current to light up the LED. The manufacturer, Sunshine of Ube, sells one optil and 11 standard false nails for about U.S.$40." 8:15 AM I received an email las week with the following subject: "Making Mon-e" (pronounced 'money')" Like, how else am I going to pronounce it? Delete! 8:14 AM tuesday, april 4 H, yesterday: "Oh, you should Blog that." Resonse? A groan. 9:06 AM Prospective landlord (PL) pop quiz: "Oh, the East Village. What's the name of that restaurant on the park? Starts with an O. Downstairs." My mind scabbers quickly along Avenue A. Downstairs? There aren't any restaurants downstairs between 7th and 10th. Crap! ...Wait a minute. What's below Takahachi? That's between 6th and 7th. Opheline? H - "Ah, Opheline?" PL - "Opeline! that's it!" Phew! The apartment is so pretty and it has a view to die for. But everything here is about the view. Turn a corner and another heartbreakingly beautiful view rolls out in front of you. We drove across the big red bridge last night to see the city at night... Any small, niggling last doubts, which might have been hiding in some nook and cranny of my brain, were blown clear to Anchorage. Literally. I thought I would miss my mountain, Mont Royal, which I've trudged up and down through the last six seasons. I think that there are more than enough craggy hills here to keep me happy, though blading is out. 8:17 AM monday, april 3 What's up pussycat? Can't I just open my bank account to some trustworthy individual and say "find me a nice place to live." I don't want to be looking for a home. I would rather be wandering around China Town or driving across the big red bridge up to Point Reyes. Poopy! I spoke to one landlord who prefaced the conversation with "the apartment is really nice..." I could tell there was a but. "But, you have to walk through a sex toy shop to get to your apartment door." One would never be short of party favours, that's for sure. 5:59 PM sunday, april 2 In which we find our heroine on the other coast... I've arrived here (or there, depending upon your perspective) safely. I wish I could think of something far wittier to say but I'm pooped, what with daylight savings, time zone differences and arriving at the airport at an ungodly hour to attain my Visa. I'll say one thing, the natives sure are friendly. 11:41 PM saturday, april 1 Ruby called. Her apartment was broken into (again). Thieves made off with her stereo and massive CD collection (again). The second time, they took every CD. The first and last time, they left one. It was the same CD. What I want to know is, what do thieves, in both Toronto and Montreal, have against Snoopy's Christmas? You don't need to answer that. 8:19 AM  A whole bunch of new FOJM including Matt, pb, Dave, Vanessa, Scott, Pamela, Cyn, Mike, Adam, Matthew, & Crazy Uncle Joe.3:14 AM Kudos to Matt and Nikolai. 2:25 AM |
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