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wednesday, may 31 Anniversaries abound. Zeldman celebrates five years and Osil8 four! Rock on! 9:38 AM  Mike offers the following update to the cherry pit occupational roll call: "Thinker, trader, corporate raider, rich man, poor man, cyberthief, doctor, lawyer, commander in chief." 8:58 AM 
Five new FOJM including Steve Hawley and his friend, Crazy Uncle Joe, pb and Meg. Ah! Meg. Sigh.Sadly, FOJM has led Meg into a life of crime. Please read her oh-so-sad tale if only to avoid following in her footsteps. 8:28 AM Rabbit rabbit! 8:26 AM Lighting one candle with another candle- spring evening. - Yosa Buson, The Essential Haiku 8:12 AM tuesday, may 30 Counting cherry pits. My family had many little odd rituals which Claire and I have perpetuated. I've held back on "pinch punch first of the month" since Eamon's birth, given that she might not need to hear her sister shrieking down the phone line early in the morning every first of the month, to say nothing of the three hour time difference. We would get out the ruler for the Sara Lee Frozen Chocolate Brownies. "I cut, you choose" would assure an honest division of the spoils. Counting cherry pits is another. My mother would keep an eagle eye out for inexpensive cherries when in season. It was glorious - sitting together, gorging ourselves on beautiful, ripe, juicy cherries. The pits would be jealously guarded until the last cherry had been eaten and then the ritual would begin. "Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief." The last pit would identify the occupation of your intended. Woe to those who finished with "poor man," "beggar man" or "thief" as we imagined a life doomed to hardship. There was a brief flirtation with bartering the excess to assure the darling of our dreams, but this just never seemed quite sporting. I still count the cherry pits though I think our occupational roll call could do with a bit of updating. 8:19 PM Yesterday was brought to you by the letter "P". Purple, power, peace, profound, penetrate, pleasure and passion. 12:05 PM 2000? I swear I never had that much fun. [thanks tommy] 11:34 AM It seems that I can't rest on my laurels as "queen of the sickies". Tom goes to the emergency room and they give him Morphine. Morphine? I couldn't even get Tylenol or a blanket. It's a conspiracy dammit! Anti-Canadian bias. What is it about us canucks that makes you all feel threatened? It certainly can't be the accent*. Perhaps our proclivity to apologize? I've been thinking that my epitaph will simply be, "I'm sorry." Wouldn't that look elegant? A nice sans serif font on pinkish granite? No angels, twisting vines, or faux log crosses. Just "I'm sorry." *A native Texan commented on my "accent" in Austen with a lazy molasses drawl. "My accent?" I responded most mystified, "what about your accent?" 11:21 AM Butterfly sleeping on the temple bell. - Yosa Buson, The Essential Haiku 11:19 AM monday, may 29 I've been pining after Century and finally figured out that I can give UPS the pleasure of hauling it chez moi. If you've seen it in the stores, you'll understand my reluctance to elongate one arm carrying the sucker home. 9:08 AM !!!!!!! (Insert apocalyptic comment here) 9:03 AM If you need a punch line to any joke that involves ducks, try "cheese & quackers." It's guaranteed to work 42.75% of the time ( + or - 3%). 8:59 AM These are my favourites from my own Haiku endeavours. Mars Lander plays coy - toys with NASA's affections. game of hide and seek? sleeping discomfort. closer inspection reveals pup hidden chew toy. Yes, they aren't about seasons and/or the weather as Mr. Stinky pointed out. I can't help but wonder what the masters would be writing about now? 8:50 AM A number of Matsuo Basho links. 8:38 AM Bushes by the roadway. When you look closer, blossoming flowers. - Matsuo Basho, The Essential Haiku 8:32 AM saturday, may 27 "Is that Dean Martin?" The taxi driver's eyes narrow in the rear view mirror. "Close, but no." "Hmmm.... don't tell me." I think for a moment. It sounds very Dean but perhaps not boozey enough. "Bing Crosby?" He smiles. "Most people wouldn't know Bing Crosby." Bing serenades us for a few moments. "I'm an impersonator, I do impressions of these guys." He fast forwards the tape. "I'm working on a new song..." And Snow Bird fills the air. It's Bing but it's not Bing. It's actually pretty good. I sit back and watch SOMA fly by. "Spread your tiny wings and fly away...." The last time I heard Snow bird was during the credits of Canadian Bacon. I was living in New York and though I wouldn't admit it at the time, perhaps just a little home sick. It was a thin audience, hell, it was a thin movie. When Anne Murry's voice burbled with the early strains of Snow Bird, there was a collective sigh and we all stayed in our seats and sang along. It was a very Canadian moment. 9:39 AM friday, may 26 My Bond Girl Name: May I. Rideyou. No snickering! [via Swallowing Tacks] 4:33 PM Oh, the glories of unpacking. My books are now shelved for the first time in two years. While I managed to shed four high school year books, I cling to that of my graduating class. I think that Ruby and Maren wrote the following (the photo is appalling): Heather Champ: Gidget, Queen of the Bagels, is a groovy girl and our Woodsy Woman. She will be fondly remembered for rally driving in Rockcliffe, exterior van decoration, Magnum Mania, Olympic mountain descending in France, 1664, the Yukon, and Spot. Future plans include training wallabies in Beirut and trying to convince Wexie's mother it was all a mistake. Well, what the fuck does that mean? Here's an annotated version: Heather Champ: Gidget1, Queen of the Bagels2, is a groovy girl and our Woodsy Woman3. She will be fondly remembered for rally driving in Rockcliffe4, exterior van decoration5, Magnum Mania6, Olympic mountain descending in France7, 16648, the Yukon9, and Spot10. Future plans include training wallabies in Beirut11 and trying to convince Wexie's mother it was all a mistake12. 1. I have no idea what this is referring to. Ruby? Diane? Anyone? 2. On the weekends I worked at Bagel Bagel down in the Market. It began my life long search for the perfect bagel. Montreal has the perfect bagel. New York bagels are poofy bread donuts by comparison. Oh for a Fairmount Bagel. 3. I spent many weekends outdoors white water canoeing and hiking. I'd like to thank my math teacher, Peter Helmke, for the twenty extra pounds of rocks I carried up Mount Washington for him. Tip: Always check your pack when you hike with friends. 4. Rockliffe has the most perfect, dark, windy roads to drive. Drawback? Many of the embassy residences are located here making for an increased number of RCMP. 5. We decorated Mark Ogles van with shaving creme and paper streamers. It was funny at the time. I think a certain amount of liquor was involved. In fact, that goes for most of the blurb. Mark joined the Canadian Air Force as a pilot and is now flying commercially. If you ever get on a plane and hear "This is your Captain, Mark Ogle...", disembark immediately. 6. I just loved loved loved Magnum PI. I tried watching Magnum on A&E recently. Ungh! 7. The summer between grade twelve and thirteen*, Claire, Ruby, David and I took and advanced French coarse. We studied for a couple of months and then headed over to France for four weeks of emmersive language instruction. I bought five pairs of shoes in Nice, the beginning of my long career of shoe fetishism. One beautiful robin's egg blue pair had very slippery bottoms and I slid down a rather steep hill one day. I still bear a scar. 8. Kronenburg 1664. While in Strasbourg on the same French course, which essentially was a drinking tour, Ruby and I had a few too many beers one night. We were wandering around the city, post binge, and ran into the two professors. It was an early opportunity to try and act straight while absolutely shit-faced. 9. That same summer after returning from France, I headed up to the Yukon for a month long paddle down the Yukon River. Me and seven guys. It was interesting. No, not in that way. 10. Small green rubber ball found on the floor of a high school concert of "The Privates". 11. See number 1. 12. Oh god! The rumour that will never die. To this day, David's mother is convinced that I was the culprit who removed and then returned about a ton of white, gaudy, wrought iron lawn furniture from their front stoop in the wee hours. I'm sure that I would have had no problem fitting it all into the back of my dad's Chevette! * They've phased grade thirteen out. But it would make sense, what with the exchange rate and all. Is it just me, or are year book blurbs always lame? 11:53 AM <fingers in ears> la la la la la </fingers in ears> 10:09 AM Even in Kyoto- hearing the cuckoo's cry- I long for Kyoto. - Matsuo Basho, The Essential Haiku 8:43 AM thursday, may 25 Terry, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten about the donut. It's sitting in my fridge. I'm going to wait until it reaches the point just short of a cure for cancer before I send it on it's way back to you. I'm a Taurus, baby, as patient as the day is long... 10:56 AM I registered a .god site yesterday. Woo hoo! I've never built a fan site before! [via Metafilter] 10:46 AM It's windy today. Really windy. Those fucking wind chimes two or three doors down are driving me bananas. If only it was a lovely Soleri bell or something with a deeper timbre. Nope. High, tinkely fairy bells. I feel like I'm caught in some horrible modern adaptation of a Midsummer Nights Dream... Puck is tormenting me and the lovers are running hither thither, cocooned in their identity dilemma. Better that than Spielburg's Hook. I'd probably swat poor Tinkerbell, mistaking her for one of the misguided flies who's taken up residence. If I wasn't such a wet noodle, I'd march down there with my scissors and just snip the ratty cord. Dammit, I want a back bone for Christmas. 10:20 AM The snail gets up and goes to bed with very little fuss. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 9:52 AM wednesday, may 24 Yay! I'm normal. Or at least all my test results are all normal. Just what the fuck is normal anyway? Most people tend to wrinkle up their noses when they hear the word normal, as if a person with bad foot odor has quite innocently removed their shoes. Normal is something that comes in a three-pack. Normal dwells in the suburbs at twenty-five-oh-six La Vista Buena Yerba Berba, with a two car garage. Normal comes in a Styrofoam cup with no "sipper-lid" in sight. Normal doesn't need subtitles. Normal is the number three "super-sized." Normal is something that everyone else is because normal people are not special. Right about now, I'm damn happy to be normal. What's my normal? Kind of loopy & silly, a little paranoid with strong steak of gullibility (fished-in's my middle name), emotional and giving. It works for me. 3:54 PM I have the most excellent sister. This morning, fifty Ikea Ivar shelving pegs arrived via FedEx from Ottawa. Pegs $2.50, shipping $40.00. My sanity? Priceless. 1:27 PM Seen through a telescope: ten cents worth of fog. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 12:27 PM tuesday, may 23 There's a maelstrom of conversation right now about "non-negative blogging" and I think the dialogue is good. It's all good. It's not an easy topic. Everyone has to decide for themselves where they will draw their line in the sand. There are many ways that humour, sarcasm, confrontation, parody and just plain poking fun of can be handled. It's when people get pissy and petty that the trouble starts. My personal motto? "Be yourself". Who's really interested in reading fabricated facades? If your an ass in real life, be my guest, just blog on baby, and make the web your personal acid pit. I might drop by once or twice to kick the tires but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to pull up a chair, pop open a soda and watch your train wreck. Thing is, I've never been able to disconnect my virtual and real selves to the point where I would ever write anything that I wouldn't feel comfortable saying to a person's face if I had, either the pleasure, or misfortune to meet them. Now, it's not all roses. I have my own little dark side of self doubt, feelings of inadequacy and injustice. I don't think that lashing out at you with my jealousy is going to do any good. It's not going to make me feel any better in the long run, so I channel it into random acts of violence - like smashing glasses, fine china, umbrellas and tossing books. I pull up the neighbours plants in the middle of the night and let the air out of their tires. I routinely play loud thumping music until the wee hours to keep the people upstairs awake. I push my way to the front of every line at the bus stop and hide all the deposit envelopes at the ATM. But then I feel better and I don't have to take any of it out on you. You, whom I idolize and adore. 1:35 PM A bee staggers out of the peony. - Matsuo Basho, The Essential Haiku 10:32 AM monday, may 22 Oh, my god! Barbara Cartland died. Now, I'll bet that ninety-nine point nine percent of you will never have read a Barbara Cartland novel. <hushed voice>Romance!!</hushed voice>. I think that I survived the turmoil of the seventh and eight grade simply by devouring enormous number of her novels. The woman was a prolific author. I don't know who among Cartland, Stephen King or Joyce Carol Oates would come out the victor in count of the sheer volume of words. They're lovely novels populated with breathy, innocent (or quite stupid), beautiful blond maidens who were typically the unfortunately recently deceased vicar's daughter. Cast out into the cruel world of Regency or Victorian England, she would be swept away in some impossible intrigue into the arms of the hero. Tall, dark, strong, titled, handsome, and brilliant, he would never consider taking advantage of this poor diamond in the rough by having his evil way with her. Nope, he would marry her and the novel would end just as he was about to show her just how blissful true romantic love (no snickering) could be. There was perhaps a chaste kiss here or there but that was it. No sex and the guarantee of a happy ending. Quite frankly, I was surprised to hear that she was still alive, well up until the moment of here recent passing. She must have been quite a fossil. Her author portraits portrayed a tiny bird of a woman with candy floss like white hair, perched on a gaudy throne. She was the queen of romance. 5:28 PM Dear Pacific Bell, Darling, this is no way to start a relationship. To leave me sitting by the phone, waiting patiently for your call. You must know that when you say "I'm gonna call", well, a girl takes that to heart. You make a date and then don't show. That's OK. It's my fault, but then you make another and miss that. Sigh. And then when I call, you deny ever making the date. What's a poor girl to do? I'm just sitting here, broken hearted, moping over my dial up access with visions of DSL dancing through my poor tortured mind. I see you out there, talking to all the other girls, singing your siren song of connectivity. Don't toy with me baby, we could be so good together... 5:01 PM It's Victoria Day in Canada. A remnant of our commonwealth ways. It was more commonly called May two-four in Ottawa. A case of beer is called a two-four and on May two four you buy a two-four and end up seeing at least double. She wouldn't be amused! 3:12 PM How could one ever possibly follow up the majesty that was Bruce's Loo? Why, with "Veen-da-loo" of course (with some of your favourite cast of characters). You think it's silly? This is sillier. I'm ready to take this Digerati-bathroom-snapping show on the road. And, for what it's worth, I just want to say, for the record, that I don't make a habit of bringing coked-up friends to parties. 12:29 PM You know those moments where you only think of a good comeback line hours or even days after the original event? The weather reminds me of vicious heat wave that enveloped Toronto one year. I was stopped at a traffic light, waiting to make a right turn at one of those "forever red" intersections where for some stupid reason you can't turn right on a red light. An enormous fire truck pulled up along side and a wave of additional heat rolled through the car causing rivulets of perspiration to trickle down my back. Me in my tiny sweatbox of a car looking up at the vast expanse of shiny dials and gauges that decorated the fire truck. The fireman riding shotgun behind the cab swung down, winked* and asked "Is it hot enough for ya?" I just gaped... The light turned green and the truck pulled away. The fireman, with his lazy smile, offered a mock salute and was gone. Now, if I was one of those people who can offer an on-the-spot snappy comeback, I would have replied with something like "Baby, you can put out my fire any time." But I'm not. I'm a goldfish. I just stare and bob my jaw. *Winking. What's with winking? Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this a tip from the boys handbook which is annotated as a fine idea? I think winking is just plain silly. It's about as cool as a polyester leisure suit. 12:17 PM Even with insects - some can sing, some can't. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 10:40 AM sunday, may 21 The neighbourhood is filled with laughter today. Everyone is blissed out in the incredible warmth that's blanketed the city. 5:03 PM I desperately tried to convince Elise earlier this year that this New Yorker cartoon, was in actual fact, a very good idea. She wouldn't bite... Do you think that we might be able to convince Matt and Kay? Congratulations! 5:01 PM At long last, an update of FOJM! Sixteen new photographs including
Michelle,
Tarsh,
Al,
jp,
Marc,
Huw,
Caroline,
Sue,
Jason and
Melanie.9:50 AM The man pulling radishes pointed my way with a radish. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 9:37 AM saturday, may 20 Poopy... When I see a link entitled "Number Two" I think... That's it, Ev's flipped and gone all potty mouth on us - perhaps tired of the whole boobie thing. Sadly, no. 5:55 PM Deliver me from Swedish furniture. I am bereft. I had no idea that my Ivar shelving pegs loved Canada. So much so, that they would choose to stay there, separated from the eleven shelves that so desperately miss them. The six boxes of books are in mourning. Their hopes of emancipation from their cardboard confines dashed. I miss them too. Oh, woe is me. 5:41 PM Writing shit about the snow for the rich is not art. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 12:49 PM Attention K Mart shoppers! I'm going to be moving the deck chairs around for awhile. Things might get a little hairy so please be prepared to abandon ship when a member of the crew indicates the end is near. Operators will assist you. The aisles will be illuminated, indicating the nearest emergency exit. Three long blasts of the emergency signal will indicate all clear. Anyway, what are you doing inside on a day like today? It's beautiful outside. Just push away from the keyboard and go glory in spring. Go on now, shoo! 10:44 AM friday, may 19 I haven't yet determined my level of dependency based upon Wren's "Five stages of blogging." 5:33 PM Isn't "True First Time fuck Dog Stories" a rather disconcerting search string to find in your logs? I actually think I know who it is. A certain nutcase, at an old job, who shall remain nameless, went around telling my coworkers that someone at my former place of employment saw me having sex with my dog. OK. First of all, sex with a dog? Please! Secondly, I had a Chihuahua. Now, if I was even ever to consider sex with a dog, what pray tell, would be the point of a Chihuahua? Wouldn't a Great Dane be a more logical choice? Hey nutcase... Bite me! 1:08 PM Lance is just too f*cking funny! Did I say f*ck? Pardon me. I meant to say fuck. 12:57 PM Smack me. I've been wallowing in a sea of self pity, clinging to the Raft of the Medusa from the shipwreck of my illness. But you know what? Baby, that's over. Really. Fuck it. Time to get on with living. 11:16 AM Sickly, but somehow the chrysanthemum is budding. - Matsuo Basho, The Essential Haiku 7:37 AM thursday, may 18 One summer, when Claire and I were somewhere between seven and ten, my father took us out to the Rockies on vacation. We spent days scrambling through the beautiful landscapes following his meticulously regimented schedule. I remember hiking along one trail, up through the devastation of a post-forest fire landscape, towards the tree line. The weather changed very quickly and heavy weather rolled in. The ominous rumblings of the approaching storm forced us to turn and descend rather more quickly than we had ascended. The thunder grew louder as the sky darkened and the air closed in. It was quite frightening but Claire and I found a way to reduce our fear. We would pick up sticks and each hold an end. We would then squeeze our fear back and forth as we trotted down the path. When we felt the stick was brimming over, we would toss it into the recovering underbrush. We repeated this procedure down the mountainside until we reached the trail head. I've often thought of that journey. I'd like to squeeze all my self doubt into a stick and toss it away. 5:28 PM Do you ever wish that life had an "undo" or "rewind" feature? I'd like to rewind the past hour and record over. Unfortunately, life's not that simple. 5:06 PM I've found out yesterday that the E. coli diagnosis was sketchy and inconclusive. I subsequently donated half my blood for additional tests to rule out every disease known to mankind. Quite frankly, some of the tests have led me to believe that I'm leading a double life... The other Heather (who prefers to be called Lurleen) hangs out in crack houses, swapping dirty needles with all and sundry. I'm a dirty girl. Both of me. 12:27 PM I'm glad that someone's paying attention (I don't appear to be). Dave writes: "I like your site... I'd hate to see it disappear... However... I happened to notice that your DNS registration with NetworkSolutions expires in 4 days! Thought i'd send you a heads up..." Last year, a magazine out of Atlanta entitled "Jezebel" and something like "a journal of southern style and something culture" called to arm twist me into giving up the domain as "it would be the 'nice' thing to do." They were running under jezebelmag.com (which has disappeared) and wanted mine. "You could be heathersjezebel.com." Or maybe heathersabigfatidiotforgivingupherdomaintoasharklikeyou.com? Hmmm. I don't think so. Thanks Dave! 10:35 AM All the time I pray to Buddha I keep on killing mosquitoes. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 10:03 AM wednesday, may 17 The first thing I thought about Saturday morning was the event that Jack recounts. I was unforgivably rude... The elevator pitch for Friday night? After Hours meets Less Than Zero. I'll spare you the details. 3:13 PM It's Jesse's birthday today... Time to update that about page? 1:16 PM Most of my drinking career has been an homage to what Claire calls the "Girl drink drunk." Tutti-frutti beverages that typically come in a stemmed glass resplendent with any matter of flora and fauna. I want to grow up, I want to drink some terribly fancy single malt ambrosia like the rest of you. But, my junior, retarded palette just doesn't want to play along. I'm lost in a sea of sweetness. It's all about the Girl drink drunk... 8:13 AM Year after year on the monkey's face a monkey face. - Matsuo Basho, The Essential Haiku 8:12 AM tuesday, may 16 There's an interesting thread entitled "Keep Hope Alive" discussing independent content creators/sites at Dreamless.org. 1:58 PM Further adventures of the elevator pitch: <m3ta>cubed deftly packages my E. coli adventures as "Camille meets a cross between Alien and The Exorcist, packaged for the Militant Vegan demographic" with some interesting casting. 1:57 PM Lance's tale of the Academy that never happened: Awarding. 12:28 PM Jason offers additional elevator pitches of my life - "You've Got Mail" meets "Soylent Green", original score by Moby, "Casablanca" meets "Jacob's Ladder" and he provided "The Matrix" for my "When Harry Met Sally". 12:25 PM Golf is evil. Golfers will go to hell. Do you really want to spend all eternity in that outfit? 12:13 PM Napping at midday I hear the song of the rice planters and feel ashamed of myself. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 12:13 PM monday, may 15 I've been trying to come up with a good "elevator pitch" to describe harrumph! Shameless exploitation of the movies has resulted in the following... The recent E. coli odyssey might be described as Close Encounters meets Christian F or Picnic at Hanging Rock meets The Manchurian Candidate. Thankfully, life has returned to "normal" - Sound of Music meets Run Lola Run. 10:41 PM It's a big day for a certain someone tomorrow. You might want to send him a birthday card. 2:51 PM I really miss my rama-lama-dingbats which went AWOL during the March redesign. I've got to figure out how to work them back in... 2:48 PM Pardon me while I spew... The specter of techno hell is hovering over my desk. My printer won't work unless I open the control panel first (and if I forget, which I typically do, my system crashes). My web cam has choked (the same picture of me in mid-flap for days - let's play "frozen" tag!). I bought a hub to get the VAIO and the pig talking to one another but I've not been able to get it to work (plug 'n play my ass). I've got email spread across both machines and I can't figure out what I've responded too and those that are composting unanswered at an alarming rate (which is rather ironic considering I've been talking about people not responding to their email). I'd crawl back into bed and wave the white flag, but there was some talk that the DSL gods would bless my life today (fat chance). And... it's only Monday morning! Is this the day where I throw in the towel and run off to Vermont to raise cows? Or buy a potters wheel and make ugly pots that I can only pawn off to friends and family at the holidays? I can't even go flip burgers because I'm terrified of meat (I see E. coli at every turn). I remember some silly health education film which we endured during either the six or seventh grade. Some poor chick, who resembled the Stayfree maxi pad girl, was standing on a cliff while a mysterious voice moaned "you've got Gonorrhea!"... Yes, I've strayed a bit but the point that I was going to make was that I hear meat dishes lamenting "we've got E. coli." I hope I haven't spoiled your appetite. 10:54 AM sunday, may 14 Beebo and the Weblogs.com Hot List are a temptation of the devil. A siren song to lure us all into thinking about things that don't really matter. How can such popularity contests take into the consideration the complexity of the web? The beauty of this medium is that we all have a voice and that's what's important. Don't give into temptation baby. It will only make you unhappy and drive you crazy. 6:02 PM I was at such peace yesterday, running along the beach, feeling the warm sand between my toes, while being buffeted by the ever present, cool ocean breeze. Somehow, today's misty rain seems only fitting after the enormity of such blissful beauty. 11:32 AM Don't worry, spiders, I keep house casually. - Kobayashi Issa, The Essential Haiku 11:31 AM Elise! You go girl! 10:37 AM A further thought to the "Sundance" of Webbys ramble. It would be interesting to utilize a structure more similar to the Oscars, where the entire "academy" votes on the nominees to select the winner. While the nominees for the Webbys were selected by a group of industry peers, it's my understanding that the winners were voted on by committee of "celebrities." I guess we need an "academy." 9:04 AM I love a "good" bad movie. The groaner kind that either end up that way through sheer incompetence or strike out to embrace "good" bad movieness. Well, last night, that's what I though I was in for - a "good" bad movie. Battlefield Earth is not a "good" bad movie. It's just "bad" bad movie. Possibly the worst movie ever made. It's readjusted my scale, so movies that I had previously categorized as absolute stinkers, suddenly don't seem so bad after all. What was I thinking? 8:54 AM friday, may 12 Feel the love. 7:29 PM This has theoretically been my first week back at work. Paddle to the Sea was my metaphor for what it felt like getting back to work - trying to paddle a canoe in a very still lake. It's fucking hell to get any momentum going. I've retooled the metaphor. Do you know those pony rides that suddenly appear in shopping center parking lots? Rather ragged ponies tethered to roundabouts walk in endless circles for the enjoyment of small children who bump along, trying valiantly not to succumb to motion sickness. Well, that's me. I'm the pony tethered to the roundabout. Lead me along and I'll walk, but don't expect much more. It's beyond frustrating at this point. Everyday is a lesson in the boundaries of my recovery and a constant reminder of just how sick I was. 6:19 PM Requests for schwag from the last month have been mailed out (somewhat belated due to moving/illness interruptions). There's still sweetness for everyone... 2:04 PM It's wonderful to get dressed to the nines, go on the arm of sexy man and watch friends win awards (go Halcyon!) but I must confess that the whole experience left me rather wanting. I agree with Zeldman - "Some people wonder if glitzy, show-bizzy events like The Webby Awards (or Cool Site of the Year) are proper reflections of the web's open, collaborative spirit." I'd love to start a "Sundance-like" "alter-Webby" event that recognizes the achievements of those within our community who are making a difference, for love, and typically, not for profit. Those people who spend an inordinate amount of their time creating experiences, environments and communities that bring heart and soul to the Web in a way that doesn't revolve around the almighty dollar. Really, if I could, I would give each and every one of you an award, because baby, to me, you are what it's all about. 12:29 PM thursday, may 11 I want to be Ryan when I grow up: Most precious diary... 3:51 PM Fashion mavens help! So, I need some advice. What colour should I paint my toes for the Webbys? Red, to match my bag or purpley blue to match my wrap? Black dress, silver strappy sandals and minimal jewelry. Is red too staid and "been there, done that"? Will the purpley blue be too light for the silver sandals? How about Metallic Vamp? Too dark? What's a girl to do? I'm at your mercy. 12:18 PM The responses to my email inquiry have been varied, entertaining, thoughtful and heartfelt. There are definite common threads and practices... And a few of you are annoyed at a few others. I'll try to figure out some way to digest it all and share. I'm still responding, so don't think I'm a hypocrite. 12:16 PM The mad girl in the boat at midday; spring currents. - Yosa Buson, The Essential Haiku 7:17 AM wednesday, may 10 I really like the concept of wind chimes. Very good Feng shui. Balance and harmony, I'm all over it. However, I really hate my neighbours wind chimes. I can't quite hear them in the house, which is a good thing. The minute I step outside, my ears are assaulted by their tinny twinkling. Wind chimes are really presumptuous unless you live on a tract of land the size of Rhode Island. 2:46 PM New at {fray}: 32,000 feet. My recent move included a one way flight... 2:31 PM Further proof confirming the existence of the "Star Trek" fuck. 9:36 AM San Francisco is a penny flatteners paradise... You know the machines. 25¢ + 25¢ + 1¢ = 1 decorative, flattened penny. They are everywhere, commemorating Chinatown, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Exploratorium and the Cable Cars. Somehow I've managed to collect twenty-one "smashed" pennies over the years. "I love you", "Epcot", "The Emerald City - Seattle" (I've never been there...), "Vortex - Great America", "777 - Atlantic City", "Las Vegas", "The Lords Prayer" (handy - on a penny!), "My Lucky Penny" (was it really so lucky?), a relief of a unicorn and "Denos Wonder Wheel Park - Coney Island" are just a few of the gems in my collection. I also have a few discs. They're hard to describe. You turn a wheel and imprint a message into a soft aluminum disc. "Wish you were here 1989" and "Happy Birthday Heather 29 4 94" are two. I haven't found one of these machines for awhile. 9:10 AM tuesday, may 9 I am the new orange... I wish I could say that I thought of this, but I didn't. Anyway, "Vibrant and charming, ORANGE is the color of your personality." [via Jish] 3:29 PM Pose a question and you'll get some, actually many, provocative answers. Thanks to everyone who's written. It's been an interesting read. Of course, I hadn't thought it through entirely... I will be responding! 3:21 PM monday, may 8 So, I want to pick your brain about email, feedback, contact, comment and requests for information. What's the deal? Is there any difference between "contact" and "comment"? Does "contact" imply reciprocity while "comment" conveys a one way trip? Or are they the same thing with a slight variation in verbiage. That's just for starters. I find it odd that there are many sites that have had various forms of "let me know what you think" with "mailto:" links for specific information requests, but upon sending email to any one of these individuals you can wait until you are blue in the face for any sort of response. Personally, if someone is asking for something, I think it's only polite to say "thank you" at the very least. Are we becoming less polite? Or has it always been this way and I've just been lucky in the past with those that I have desired to correspond with. Is it something that is particular to whatever you define the "weblog" community to be? Yes, I understand that not everyone has the capacity or desire to deal with the flood of email that their site might generate. Granted, I'm not innocent. There have been long periods where I haven't responded to comments from jezebel for one reason or another and there emails to which I'll never respond (no, I will not be posting any full frontal nude photographs in the near future). Anyway, it's just something that's been on my mind and I'd like to know what you think. 6:13 PM "It's always fun 'til someone loses an eye" - a silly, non-eye-threatening, event this weekend (someone should be blushing right about now) made me think of this maxim. Towards the end of my fine arts degree, the department sponsored a performance art class. I, being the big weenie that I am, did not participate, but everyone was encouraged to join the audience during performances. I remember two pieces by Dave Chevalier. The first was days after Challenger blew up. Dave poured lighter fluid on a space shuttle model and almost set the building on fire. The second came later when he walked around the studio shaking a stick, chanting "it's always fun 'til someone loses and eye." My mother used to say that. Along with "there'll be tears before bedtime" when Claire and I would get rather punchy. Bougie was far more cryptic with "bags of hush"... 1:20 PM I'm thinking of finding a voice coach to eradicate the "out" phenomena of my speech. It's not that I mind being identified immediately as an "other", I'm just tired of the strain of commentary that accompanies that particular object. Perhaps I'll begin to liberally sprinkle sentence endings with "eh?" to divert attention. (People can't hear the "u"s in colour, neighbour, labour and behaviour, but I know they're there.) 10:55 AM Box hell might be one way to describe my current predicament. I did get to ride in the big truck for about three blocks as the Atlas Van line guys tried to figure out how they were going to get their big ass truck down the little dog leg of a street that I live on. In the end, they went the long way around and carted the boxes up the street. It's not too bad. There are only forty-four pieces. Forty-four. That's it. 8:32 AM sunday, may 7 I can be bought. The fantasy outfits that Meg came up with were pretty hot and she will stop traffic at the Webbys. I've decided that I'm going to buy some Clarins self tanning goop to deal with my "car arm" fiasco and wear my black Betsy Johnson dress. 7:17 PM friday, may 5 Winnemucca, Nevada. Wave hello to the seventy foot Atlas Vanline truck as it passes by... 12:59 PM I've been spammed by God. Some unfortunate individual sent out an email with a "believe in God and you will have eternal life" theme to a number of corporate email lists this morning. Some people have had a sense of humour about it and others haven't. I think God is setting an unfortunate precedent. 12:41 PM More love. Alex sends the following: "Flipping through the channels tonight with closed-captioning turned on, I encountered the following important message on a local news show: If you receive an unexpected female from an unknown source... Do not open." 11:58 AM Time to get out the carp streamers. It's Boy's Day in Japan. 11:38 AM Owen sends the following garbage disposal tips: "Some helpful hints for the new garbage disposal owner: 1. Watch out for bottle caps and the like. 2. That cute little spoon you sometimes use for your hot beverage disappears right down there. 3. Don't cut the skritchers too small, 'cause they'll disappear too. 4. Don't every try to do celery. The more fibrous, the more dangerous! 5. Oh, and don't jam your hand down there and turn it on." Excellent. I may avoid maiming myself after all. 11:31 AM Love, love, love. 10:08 AM thursday, may 4 What it's all about, baby. 5:29 PM random rothko [description] was my 5k entry. You can see the winners here. 4:52 PM I forgot to mention a couple of posts ago that I'm a Monday's child... Urgh! 4:08 PM Laramie, Wyoming. Wave hello to the seventy foot Atlas Vanline truck as it passes by... 11:44 AM Monday's Child is fair of face, Tuesday's Child is full of grace, Wednesday's Child is full of woe, Thursday's Child has far to go, Friday's Child is loving and giving, Saturday's Child works hard for a living, But the Child that is born on the Sabbath Day, Is witty and wise and good and gay! And you are? 10:32 AM My kitchen sink has a garbage disposal. I've never had a garbage disposal before. It terrifies me. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff thinking "jump". What if I suddenly jam my fingers down, and turn it on? 10:12 AM Three new favs on the right: Precocious, Centrs and girlhero. 9:44 AM wednesday, may 3 "One little chair for one of you, and a bigger chair for two more to curl up in, and for someone who likes to rock, a rocking chair in the middle." The Friendly Giant dies. [Thanks Ron] 2:45 PM Julian's "Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Man." 1:37 PM Whenever I listen to Moby's Play, I will forever be reminded of driving up Route 1 from Santa Cruz to San Francisco late one Saturday afternoon. "Wow" doesn't even come close, but it was all I was able to muster when presented with vista after vista of indescribable beauty. 9:48 AM tuesday, may 2 One could say that orange is the new banana. 10:23 AM The New York Times Book Review had an interesting review of Zadie Smith's White Teeth. "As for Millat, he begins as a superstud and troublemaker, graduates to mobster machismo -- his touchstones are ''The Godfather'' and ''Goodfellas'' -- before pledging himself to the militant fundamentalist Keepers of the Eternal and Victorious Islamic Nation, or KEVIN (they're aware they have ''an acronym problem''), and demonstrating against Salman Rushdie in 1989." I've picked up a copy and I'm hoping that it will be a better read than Bridget Jones part deux. That was so disappointing. Was the first so whiney? 9:15 AM The woman at PAC Bell was thrilled that I only had to wait until May 15th as the earliest possible installation date for my DSL. That's another two weeks of "connectivity" via my ancient AOL account (no longer an "overhead" account, but the only remnant, besides a few screen shots, of a job I did for AOL back in 96, designing Steve Case's member's page - really). It would be sad to think that I would heal from E. coli only to poke myself to death with a fork. 8:59 AM monday, may 1 Diva and Goliath. 10:05 PM Snicker. Someone got it... 9:48 PM Just one of the many reasons why golf is evil. 7:13 PM I don't think that this is the answer to my current car lust. 6:57 PM Rabbit rabbit! It's never too late. Just make sure that "tibbar, tibbar" are the last words out of your mouth before you fall asleep. 12:47 PM Cyn sends the following: Carbonating Cow Manure... 12:25 PM Hurray, hurray, the first of May.... Does anyone else know how this ends? 12:21 PM This is such a sweet thread. 12:20 PM |
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