harrumph! february 01-15 2000

current archive July 01 - 31 June 01 - 30 May 01 - 31 Apr 01 - 30 Mar 23 - 31 Mar 16 - 22 Mar 01 - 10 Feb 16 - 29 Feb 01 - 15 Jan 16 - 31 Jan 01 - 15	TUE FEB 15 00 "Blame Canada" has been nominated for an Oscar! Don't they usually stage nominated songs? I can't wait to see how the Oscars are going to stage this. Perhaps they can have William Shatner croon the tune, while a cavalcade of Canadian actors march in formation a la Musical Ride. Picture the glorious Busby Berkeley-like overhead shots of star bursts and Rockette can-can kicks. I've never been one much for gag gifts. Ds mom came up with an absolute stunner Valentine's gag gift this year that has left us both speechless. Speechless that is after a gale of laughter. Picture if you will, a "heather grey" double wide tee shirt (if you know where I'm going with this, keep quiet so you don't spoil if for the others). Two neck holes - side by side. One left sleeve and one right. Imprinted on the front "Unforgettable Couples - Adam & Eve, Sampson & Delilah, John & Yoko,". In all 14 couples with "and you!!!" at the bottom. It's a fine tee shirt for someone with two heads. I'm not sure if that is the kind of information that I can find out about the 2,642,023 Six Degrees members who are connected to me. It doesn't really fit the profile somehow. It might be one of those "inappropriate" questions... I would be quite happy to pass this lovely item on to you... Just drop me a line with proof of your cranial abundance.	Canadian email humour: Dat Guy Who Shagged Me Are two heads really better than one? Ettin: "but their great size is less remarkable than their two heads. It is said that the heads of an Ettin often quarrel together, but this may be a fancy." Visual language... The Elephant's Memory Instant English Symbols.com
	MON FEB 14 00 My valentine greeting for you... Judith has sent me on a quest for the Nickelodeon Photoblaster - perhaps the answer to my Lomo woes? It's so frustrating as Zach adores his and Megan wants ones. Course, there are quite a few other Innovative cameras that I should be digging around for as well. Now, where did I stash that Game Boy? While the former might be considered more frivolous, the Kodak PalmPix Digital Camera will separate the geeks from the boys.	Ohhhh! David is taping Gormenghast! It's the two year anniversary of this valentine's present. Arguably my most painful present to myself. Rob doesn't appear to to be at East Side Inc. any longer which is too bad because I'd love to get him to rework this folly.
	SUN FEB 13 00 Merde.... The BBC production of Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast is going to be broadcast today and tomorrow on the Space channel (Canada's answer to SciFi) and we don't get that channel! With Stephen Fry! "There is a kind of laughter that sickens the soul. Laughter when it is out of control: when it screams and stamps its feet, and sets the bells jangling in the next town." More The Gormenghast trilogy is another set of books that are on my "must re-read now that I am an adult list". I gobbled up The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings last year during my annual post-bronchitis recovery. The Hobbit had always enchanted while the Ring Trilogy terrified. Re-reading laid a few ghosts to rest.	I just love Melty. It's as comfortable as my favourite sweater. I've just ordered a copy of "Healing Mudras: Yoga For Your Hands" (Symbolic hand gestures). It might also come in handy to determine if there's a deeper meaning to this (top left hand gesture)
	SAT FEB 12 00 The scene: a veterinary clinic on Nuns Island The players: veterinarian assist, two small dogs and moi. En Français! Lui: "...and what is your last name" Moi: "Champ" Lui, rolling eyes (thinking "zees seeley eenglish girl"): "no what is _your_ last name" Moi (emphatically): "Champ, comme Champs mais anglais" Il n'est pas la première fois! I can't remember who sent me the following link last summer. Digital Moments hasn't changed since it was launched in 1996. "36 images from the Technological Revolution" taken from the mid 80s to the early 90s by Doug Menuez. If you click on any image it reverses and you get additional commentary from the photographer. A lot of Apple stuff.	Forget the Godiva or the Li-Lac chocolates this Valentines... Why not try ConSensual Treats for Lovers? Possession Popcorn, Funky Fudge, GI Jellies, Karamel Kares and more.
	FRI FEB 11 00 18:11 I was really excited when I took the first roll of film from my Lomo adventures in to be processed. I knew that something was up when the tab only came to around $5. Not a good sign. Processing costs only, no printing. They had printed out a few samples and they were all a dark burnt ochre with the merest hint of my cavorting pups. Ok so I was indoors using a 200 ASA speed film. There was a lot of light... Second roll I tried 800 ASA. Still the same. And encore une fois with the a third. Nada. So, is it busted? Or am I a lamer? Back in the mid 80s I had a "Love Camera". Nothing naughty I assure you. They were these little plastic cameras that you would send in for processing. The prints had a large image to the left and then two smaller duplicated, one a top the other, on the right. The image quality wasn't that great but you could create wonderfully small panoramas combining a sequence of images. I have a favourite from Madurodam somewhere... 09:01 The I-TAROT provides a postmodern view. My "present" is rather bang on. The Six of Things The judgement: A misguided fool, eating their lunch, crumbles. No praise. foundcrap at torturechamber.com is essentially that. found crap. I particularly like the junk shop photos - I've been known to buy a photo or two at junk shops and quite a few photo booth strips on eBay	From the I don't think so files: "I often think how interesting it would be to see a totally nude photo of you on your site." Elise is for a couple of SXSW Web Awards! There is nothing like the whine of the wheels of a car stuck in snow. Nothing. Ok girls... "Grrrl Geeks Are Sexy, Too"
	THU FEB 10 00 21:38 thetruth.com has a wowser of TV ad with the "splodes" commercial. I guess it's too late to enter the "who wants to marry a multimillionaire" competition... (pause) pul-ease (stamps foot). Who green lighted this puppy? Television viewing in prime time is bad for the blood pressure. 12:41 I was on my way for my daily Zeldman fix and something very strange was going on. It seems to be fine now, but for a moment there it was a dark blue world with that floating blue arrow thingy. 10:42 I'm in a horrible mood today. I could just spit! Even I would give me a wide berth today. This should prove to be highly entertaining later as I'm having a few people over for drinks, all refugees from our former employer. D's thrilled as it will widen the blast range! If I'm not careful I could end up like Rumpelstiltskin "'Perhaps your name is Rumpelstiltskin?' 'The devil has told you that! The devil has told you that,' cried the little man, and in his anger he plunged his right foot so deep into the earth that his whole leg went in, and then in rage he pulled at his left leg so hard with both hands that he tore himself in two."	SXSW bound. Here's a list of what to do when you're in a bad mood - "Use all the toilet paper, Constantly interrupt, Scream in the dentist's office". Wait a minute... don't I do that anyway?
	WED FEB 09 00 17:32 After a last minute reprieve, I wandered through the falling snow to the Post Office to retrieve the mystery parcel. The medium sized box contained a 4'x4' multicoloured, crocheted afghan and a pair of woolen mittens which I purchased last year in an online charity auction. 07:14 Forget the inane Mrs. Fields Cookie Recipe spam that will haunt inboxes for all eternity. How many of you received "Tastiest Pastry Ever" spam-o-rama? Well Ellie, I would rather spend $15 and send you an Econo-Poop from the helpful folks at DogDoo, than send you $5 for your damn recipe. Just listen to this sales pitch: "Teddy is 20 pounds of pure dog food processing power! Her high bulk, low fat diet means perfectly shaped tubular bowel movements that are larger and firmer than a comparable dog on an inferior diet. Teddy is the original DogDoo model, and our daily inspiration." If I didn't care enough to send the very best, I could always use some wannabe service instead.	This is what happens to people who live in cold climates! It's only a matter of time before I start creating some wacky novelty gift item... Or perhaps I should buy one for Eric. He had quite the M&M habit a couple of years ago. Pop quiz! Have you been watching to much TV?
	TUE FEB 08 00 02:48 Do I really want to "humanize" my web site? HumanClick has created a free, real-time customer service app that enables your visitors to chat with you. Just think of the possibilities... Interaction with your favourite web sites or weblogs. Jason? Cam? Jeffrey? Wanna chat with your adoring public? 11:22 It's do or die today... If I don't hustle my butt over to the Variété Notre-Dame, my wonderfully, distant Retail Postal Outlet, the mysterious package that I received will be sent back. UPS and FedEx have spoiled me with their multiple attempts at delivery. Canada Post? Nope! If you aren't home the first time, too bad. I hesitate because the last time such an innocent notification arrived, I found myself laden with a big box of books that was a nightmare to carry back. It was too large to handle easily so I had that slippy-slidy, i-gonna-drop-it feeling for blocks. I wended my way home through the twisty streets of old Montréal hoping that a passing Samaritan would offer to carry my book (box) home for me.	It looks like the tree thing has been very popular. It appears to have been myway.com's mystery click yesterday or at least that's what I can figure out from the log files. It's interesting to see how these things ripple outward through the community. Who found it via what weblog.
	MON FEB 07 00 12:29 How observant are you [71KB]? I found all nine - but one was a figment of my imagination so I have to settle for 8 - "you are very observant. Congratulate yourself." 09:05 I want to find out more about how ice cream flavour preferences relate to personality. Counting down the days until the Dairy Queen reopens.
	SUN FEB 06 00 This might expunge my Apocalypse Now nightmares. From the "Signs along the Highway" series: The Seahorse Inn. For anyone who's cruised into Toronto along the Gardiner from the West, The Seahorse Inn sign is one of those eternal landmarks indicating that your journey is almost over. CARTOON-O-RAMA has a 3 second audio clip from the The Mighty Hercules. Unfortunately it's not Newt singing "I'm glad, I'm glad, to have, to have, a friend, a friend, like Hercules, like Hercules - whenever there's trouble, there's trouble, he'll get her, he'll get, here on the double, on the double." And what about Rocket Robin Hood?	Rule of Life #3,465: Do not put bubble bath in a Jacuzzi. I learned this the hard way. You can go through an awful lot of those plush hotel towels trying to mop up the disaster.
	SAT FEB 05 00 We were talking in the car and decided that "Who Wants To Be A Thousandaire" just doesn't have the same ring to it. But, for me, it would be fine. Easier questions, not that those of the "Millionaire" big brother are that tough, and you could walk away with a few grand in your pocket. To save costs, they could recycle some now defunct game show sets and you would have to pay for the cost of the call to your helper yourself. There must be someone in Hollywood who would be willing to work for less. Just think of it... More winners go home happy with less money - a little bit of mad money. Cover a few debts, by a new car or dump it into an RRSP - whatever the heart desires. The item just has to have a few less "0"s on the end of it than some of the higher ticket items that come to find when one wanders into "when I win the lottery" territory.	Cam is looking for an apartment in New York. His wish list looks rather divine. It sounds like the "Friends" apartment but I don't think that they've moved out. Why is it that people on TV, who live in New York always have apartments to die for? How could Rachel & co. have afforded that place?
	FRI FEB 04 00 I will confess that I am a complete sucker for email psychoanalysis. I'm always willing to believe that I can gain just that little bit more understanding of who I am. So you can psychoanalyze yourself in relatively short order or at greater length. Or you can make like a tree and leaf! We're off to celebrate the really bad idea that someone had when they decided to settle in Québec.
	THU FEB 03 00 12:51 I'm a Law & Order junkie. I couldn't survive without the current series, the new "Special Victims Unit" spin-off and the A&E reruns. But no matter how many episodes I've managed to gobble up, Lori's excellent Law & Order Jury Duty quiz identifies me as a rank amateur. A couple of years ago I was at a cocktail party in New York. It turns out that Chris Noth is an old friend of the hostess. He arrived at the party and I immediately felt tired. Tired? It must have been Pavlovian conditioning. I was used to seeing him every night in reruns between 11 and midnight... Typically when I would be drifting off to sleep.	Elise sends the following... "The final doll in the City Seasons^TM Series! Montreal is where Barbie® is wintering this year." This was taken moments before hypothermia set in... ... to which some smarty-pants has responded.
	WED FEB 02 00 22:49 Who says that you can never go back? Claire has informed me that Story Land still exists! Picture "200 animated story book characters in forty settings". We have very vivid, childhood memories of wandering around through the forest and coming upon bizarre fiberglass figurines, creaking away in their endless repetitive patterns to piped-in children's Muzak. It's time to noodle around for other the "world's-biggest-ball-of-twine" adventures of my youth - Rainbow Valley (PEI), Woodleigh Replicas (PEI), Shakespeare's Village (Ontario), Santa's Village (New York), Upper Canada Village (Ontario), Saint Marie Amongst The Huron (Ontario), Tickled pink by Zeldman Present's Daily Report link today. Thank you. 10:10 Part III of the Indigo debacle. If you are coming in late to this you can catch up with parts I & II
	TUE FEB 01 00 23:05 A conversation about Monty Python yesterday prompted me to think of the Young Ones: Vyvyan: Why aren't you dead? Rick: I'm not prepared to discuss it with you, Vyvyan. You'll be hearing from my solicitors in the morning. I'm going to write to my MP! Neil: You haven't got an MP, Rick. You're an anarchist. Rick: Ah - well, in that case, I shall write to the lead singer of Echo And The Bunnymen. or Vyvyan: You have to write in ten words what cornflakes mean to you. So I wrote "Cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes, cornflakes." Rick: Pathetic. You'll never win Vyvyan. Vyvyan: Why not? Rick: It's only nine words. Perhaps they'll show up on BBC America... 13:25 You may not be aware that we Canadians have a new political party. It is thought that the Canadian Conservative Reform Alliance Party or CCRAP are rethinking the name. 09:54 Here it is: Mountain Dew Bohemian Rhapsody... 07:33 If "pinch, punch first of the month" and possibly "no returns of any kind" barring "a pinch and a kick for being so quick" ring any bells then you may be black and blue this morning. The monthly ritual of celebrating the first of the month, which must be executed by noon. I don't remember a time in my life when we didn't try and sneak up on one another. When distances intervened, I would show no remorse in getting Claire out of bed at ungodly hours simply to win. I've decided to cease and desist with Eamon's arrival. Clem introduced me to a far more elegant first of the month ritual. The first words out of your mouth on the first day of the month must be "rabbit, rabbit". This is doubly important if the current month is your birth month. "Rabbit, rabbit" will ensure good luck for the month. But it's not too late for February. Just make sure that "tibbar, tibbar" are the last words out of your mouth today and you're covered.	Pinch Punch: Think I'm kidding? Check this out - scroll down to Mon 02.11.1998 or here or here. Perhaps some frayed remnant of the British Empire.

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